The process of forgiveness they describe here is not even really about the person doing the harm, but rather the person who has been harmed. I forgive out of compassion for myself. I let go of the hurt and the anger, and walk into a space of healing and transformation. That is a very foreign concept to some folks. To most people, anger is a negative emotion to avoid because it doesn’t feel good to them. They don’t want conflict. They want peace and quiet.

Several years ago, I found myself in a situation where I felt frustrated and angry, and as I proceeded with my task I found the anger intensifying. I found myself role-playing in my mind. A game of charades in my thoughts, projecting my anger onto someone else. Yet, no-one was around. I was alone with my thoughts and with my heart. Yet even when I tried to focus on something else, the anger bubbled up within me.If you want to be compassionate and try to help those people, make sure your boundaries are solid and be prepared for some conflict. Don’t take it personally because it’s not personal. The way they act toward other people is typically a reflection of what is happening inside them. So long as you act ethically and upright, you have nothing to worry about. Empathy is a learned skill, and it is shaped by our own environment and life experiences. So if your partner is willing to change how they relate with others, this problem can be resolved with proper communication. 2. You try to gain control as protection The ‘Hurt People Hurt People’ quote explains that individuals who have experienced significant hurt or trauma in their lives may struggle with regulating their emotions and behaviors which could ultimately lead them to hurt others. Thus it becomes evident why we need empathy towards such people instead of being harsh on them. They may be suffering from underlying issues such as anxiety or depression that fuel their negative behavior.

Image Notes: Illustration of an adhesive bandage from Clker-Free-Vector-Images at Pixabay. Image has been resized and retouched. This is a classic example of a hurt person hurting others. You may be isolating yourself from your partner because that is what you have been conditioned to do from childhood. Your annoyance at your partner’s need for affection will hurt even though it is not malicious. 4. You tend to self-sabotage The realization that “Hurt people hurt people” births deeper understanding and compassion for ourselves and others. Maintain an objective awareness of yourself, and remember that “It all starts with you” is in fact exactly that — a starting place. Give others the time and space they need to initiate their own journey of rising above the pain. I’ve been there. I’ve experienced each one of those types of pain. I’ve asked the hard questions. I’ve searched the scriptures for biblical examples and lessons learned through pain and suffering. And I’m sharing a fresh perspective in my new book “The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms.”God so loved the world that God poured Godself into it, into the finitude and sorrow and pain and even horror of a broken creation. God made a promise that love wins, and in doing so invites each of us to live into that promise. The first step is forgiveness, and that step takes us on the long road of accountability into reconciliation. Resources I mention: Your relationship is not necessarily over when you hurt someone you love. However, you do need to work on your behavior to create a healthy, open, caring relationship. 1. Take Responsibility for Your Actions The Bible tells us in Luke 6:45 (NIV) “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.” Hurt people hurt people. This little mantra can help us remember to imagine the “secret history” and “whole truth” behind hurtful actions. You may also learn them from parents who were likewise unable to communicate well. Your poor communication skills are difficult to overcome, especially if you don’t realize this problem is yours to fix. 4. Fear of Rejection

Hurt people hurt people.. That’s how pain patterns gets passed on.. generation after generation after generation.. Break the chain today.. ღThe psychology behind hurting people that you love is quite complicated. You may do it intentionally or unintentionally. Relationship counseling often delves into these patterns to understand and heal the underlying causes. Everyone expects to be treated well by their loved ones, but this is not always the reality. Everyone expects to be treated well by their loved ones, but this is not always the reality. 9 Reasons we hurt the ones we love

People smashed store windows and set off fireworks, turning the night air acrid. Loud bangs echoed across the city. When asked why they were there, members of the crowd threatened journalists and claimed the media were not telling the truth about immigration. Your past trauma might cause you to have difficulty with healthy relationships. If you have been abused or witnessed abuse, you might associate aggressive behavior with love. For me the “hurt people hurt people” cycle is all tangled up with the way in which I grew up thinking about accountability. Far too often I was presented with actions that were judged to be harmful, and then with a call to punish the harm doer. Over time that process of judgment and punishment pervaded the public spaces I inhabit. Some of you may have heard the phrase “cancel culture” as one example, but basically what I am describing here has to do with seeking to hold someone accountable for the harm they have caused by pushing them out of community all together (see “From cancel culture to collective accountability” in the list of references). Calling people in A tweet from @lluvzz contained the adage and also the phrase “Break the chain today”, but it did not credit anyone: [11] Tweet, From: lori o @lluvzz, Time: 6:15 PM, Date: February 27, 2011, Text: Hurt people hurt people.. That’s how pain patterns gets passed on.. generation after generation after generation.. Break… Continue reading What is not okay, is to use this pain as justification for being a sh**ty person, or for tolerating the way others are hurting you.

However, understanding where they are coming from and recognizing their struggles might help us extend compassion towards them instead of assuming that their negative behavior is intentional. We must understand that everyone has their own demons and just because they lash out sometimes doesn’t mean they hate us- it simply means they need help. Believe it or not, you already have this answer. You’ve heard it a million times before, and for good reason. If someone has been emotionally hurt, they tend to perceive negativity more intensely than others. That is why emotionally hurt individuals often feel depressed – usually because they dig deeper into the bad things that happen to them. These men and women seldom look on the bright side of life, and this is a considerable barrier to living a happy and fulfilling life. 5. They tend to overthink Communication is vital to every relationship. You need to communicate openly with your partner about your feelings.