Throughout the trip, Matie and Jamie would have a number of tearful conversations about trans inclusion with some older passengers who refused to accept trans women as their fellow sisters. But they also got many women to reconsider their more middle-of-the-road views on trans inclusion. “Those are the people who matter,” Jamie would later tell me, recalling her latest conversions over coffee in the cafeteria. I just don’t understand some of these women,” she said, looking around the room at the joyful group of dancing lesbians. “Why do they insist on making themselves so ugly? I’ve never gotten the whole butch thing.” Okay, both of you, calm down," Marie said, blushing and sighing nervously. "It looks like Erin and I both need to explain what's going on. Do you want me to start, or do you want to go first, Erin?" Erin and Marie were too stunned to answer for a couple of seconds. Amanda didn't recognize Erin! Which wasn't surprising, since Marie hadn't recognized her at first either, until Erin had started speaking.

He assured me he had no problem with gay people, and he really didn’t; the three guys running the catamaran all day were amazing. But he did occasionally seem to forget about the realities of the situation. But there were, in fact, a number of stereotype-fulfilling boomer TERFs on board the cruise — and plenty of lesbians whose policing of gender norms took more banal forms. The woman who bought me a drink after I sang Kelly Clarkson at karaoke — a petite therapist from California with a prim gray bob — ended up being one of them. Uh, I don't think so," Erin said. "I was the first one to find Marie like this, so I get to be tied up next. We'll tie you up tomorrow instead." Good.” I then ripped off a few pieces of tape and started to place them onto her mouth. Once she was gagged I asked her one more time if everything was good. She could speak just fine, but “mmphed” for the games sake. After my partner came out as nonbinary a couple years ago, I felt even more confused and guilty about my conflicting desires to both lean into my own womanhood and flee from it. I knew my partner’s identity was its own independent, beautiful thing, something that was entirely their own. But I still wondered — as people around me whom I loved began to move away from the genders they’d been assigned — what I should be doing, if anything, about mine.When we boarded, Dana introduced me to the adorable boomer-millennial pair in charge of Olivia’s Solos Program, which caters to women (single or partnered) who decide to go on trips alone. I got my own Solos dog tag and a pink Olivia bracelet to signify my newbie status. The session starts with a few ice-breakers to get us chatting to different people. "Go to this end of the room if you're a cat person, and that end if you're a dog person," says Anna. "Now go over there if you want to be tied, over there if you want to tie, and over there if you're a switch!" A switch is someone who is happy to both tie and be tied. Committed to experiencing the full shibari shebang, I stand in the spot designated for switches — and find myself jostling for space with about 80% of the class. I was hesitant for a couple reasons. The first was that they’d slept with someone else, just once, when they were on a solo vacation, before we’d agreed to any sort of open-relationship terms; I felt like they’d forced my hand. (It’s hard for me even now to say they cheated on me, though that’s precisely what they did.) The second reason was that I’d watched some of my friends in long-term relationships experiment with nonmonogamy, only for the experiment to end in disaster: Somebody, inevitably, fell for somebody else. She’s a true Pisces — romantic and dreamy and always processing. (My Capricorn groundedness makes us a good match, allegedly.) She’s known she was gay since she was 5 years old. Her mom still prays that, someday, she’ll find herself a good man.

I love being gay, though I don't do it very much now': Out, proud and extremely loud, actress MIRIAM MARGOLYES, 82, is renowned for telling it as she sees it. She talks love and death... as well as laying off JK Rowling The night before I left on the cruise, two of my best friends got married. Watching one of my friend’s dads talking at the wedding dinner about how much he loved his daughter and her new wife, I teared up a little and said something to my partner about it: “This is actually pretty nice, huh?” But they wrinkled their nose at me. They’re not a fan of weddings — the pomp and circumstance, the big, grand displays of public affection. Erin got the key, and with Erin and Amanda working together, Marie was soon free of all restraints. You did this? Why?" Erin asked, but was interrupted by the sound of a high-pitched scream coming from the doorway. Erin and Marie each realized, to their great mortification, that their "eccentricities" had just been discovered by their little sister. Was it possible to die of embarrassment?I'd asked Anna about this and she tells me, "it's an impossible question to answer," but offered this analogy: "I cannot tell you whether I'm wearing a skirt right now because I've been brainwashed into believing that as a woman I have to wear a skirt. But I can tell you I like wearing a skirt." She adds, "it's the same with kink — I can't tell you if it's a product of me having been exposed to too many images of it, I just know I like it. I feel empowered and free." I would feel horrible, hurting a person I cared for, even though I was certain they wouldn’t be able to care for me in the years ahead in the way I needed them to — someone who I suspected, ultimately, wanted different things. How do you justify leaving a perfectly nice relationship, taking a blind chance that there might be something better for you out there — even if you’re right?