Another older lesbian told me passionately, “The young queers these days think our lesbian life in the 60s and 70s was conservative and backward. Nonbinary people reported worse general health, more psychological distress, and less positive well-being compared to women.

I think the age angle is much less of a challenge here than the fact that you are already in a het relationship; many of my bi/lesbian friends complain about how much of the dating pool on apps consists of het-partnered women who want a girlfriend on the side. If you spent your teen or early adult years having to hide who you were, that fear and constriction still lives in your body somewhere. Robin says that relationships are really just friendships and to never forget that (cute/true), and Madonna says you can choose to be in your "happy place" if you "turn off the voices that pretend that they know better than you" and just decide you want to be happy.Do you like the idea of living by yourself (or with housemates or other people who aren't your romantic partners) and spending some of your time with your boyfriend, and some of your time with your girlfriend? S. to go on a dating app and tell the whole world that you’re lesbian, single and looking, you are a survivor. Now that gay marriage is legal, there are prominent gay politicians, and gay policemen and policewomen march in Pride parades each year, she has a Rip Van Winkle sense of unreality.

She has written for The Onion, The New Yorker, and was previously the Sex and Relationships editor at Cosmopolitan. For instance, one woman I know who came out in the late 1960s remembers the times when police would raid lesbian bars and put the patrons in jail if they weren’t wearing at least three articles of women’s clothing. As in any community, sometimes there are divisions between older and younger lesbians and queer women. Middle and older LGBQ people did not differ in general health, but each had worse general health compared with younger LGBQ people. To calculate the overall star rating and percentage breakdown by star, we don’t use a simple average.Do you want to leave your boyfriend, look for a woman who wants to date you, and figure out where to go from there? In addition to the apps that can be disappointing/difficult/toxic, go to queer events in your town or nearby city. I live in a small city and queer women tend to date a relatively broad age/ geographic range because there aren't a ton of us here. As others have said more eloquently, it feels a bit like your focus here is trying an experience on for size and/or to paper over some emotional element missing from your current relationship.

but really, even if you are in this for the age difference above all, it is in your interest to remember that a huge number of people in their forties+ who date younger aren't interested in "younger women" - they're interested in 30 year old women, same as they were when they were 30 themselves. In another exercise, I invite participants to get in contact with their radiant infant self, still alive inside them, and their wisest, most resourced ancient self. Niki and Kelsie, who say they're the only women either one of them have dated and both recently came out at the same time, also asked Robin and Madonna for advice for younger gay couples. While there were surprising differences in mental health among different generations of LGBQ people, it's notable that positive well-being was consistent across all groups.

However, several differences were noted when data were analyzed by sexual minority subgroups and gender. Dyke Nights have had a resurge and would be a great chance to have fun and meet people looking to date and/or hookup. Then she told me about how people have thrown things at her — “eggs, coke cans” — just for walking down the street in her butch body. For this reason, some old lesbians decide not to date at all, and to focus attention on other parts of life.