From the bestselling author of With the End in Mind, this is a book about the conversations that matter and how to have them better – more honestly, more confidently and without regret. Although now some months after the publication date it is a timeless book about the power of stories and active listening. Over the past few months I have had to support colleagues, provide unwelcome news and generally muddle through life - Listen has helped me through all this. I recognise that my active listening needs work, but I am improving, my coversations are tender, I try to lead conversations in a way that suprise is minimised and I now have internalised that I can't fix someones situation, however I can be by their side.

The book’s greatest strength is not just the information it shares, but the pure humanity it shows; the halting, fearful, imperfect conversations between people who are all doing their best and sometimes not getting it right. The gems of wisdom apply to all situations, whether someone is at the end of their life or has had a bad day at work … Compassionate, warm and wise’The Times - Kathryn Mannix is our modern-day prophet … This is an essential book for anyone interested in themselves and their fellow humans’Greg Wise - This is a little different from the other books about listening that I have listed because it centers the skill within the practice of mindfulness. As someone with an interest in Buddhism, I was interested in how the author related it to listening and it made a lot of sense to me: Some people see zen or mindfulness as empty buzzwords, but her message can be summed up quite simply: It’s not a bad thing if strong emotions are expressed during a difficult discussion: don’t try to close them down by offering reassurance or advice. Be a quiet companion to those in distress; if they cry or rage, or fall helplessly silent, stay present and validate what they feel. Useful phrases include: “It’s OK to feel like this”, “I’m sorry this is so upsetting” or “I’m glad you can talk about this with me”.

1. Start with a cup of tea

Her book is a brilliant reflection on how we humans connect. Priceless. You cannot buy this experience, and you cannot buy the results you can achieve by practising what she suggests. In her natural way of story telling, Mannix describes sympathy as expressing concern through a doorway; empathy enters the place of suffering and offers companionship; whereas compassion is the solidarity that seeks the other person's good, for the other person's sake. It helped me to make so much sense of why I am drawn to certain types of people and can be both vulnerable and built up in their presence, while I automatically shut down in front of others. It gave some great vocabulary for patterns of communication I’ve seen over the years. When we're trying to talk to our teenagers and they don't want our advice, it's because we're telling, not asking." she said. "It's because we're imposing, not inviting. So this isn't just about medical conversations. This is how we deal with each other when the stakes are high and how that works in conversations right across life." You get a sense in this book of the healing that takes place when a person feels that they are being heard. It's also good at explaining the difference between active vs passive listening skills. It also helps you understand the concepts described, allowing you to become a more engaged listener

Throughout a number of poignant anecdotes highlighting good listening skills and different navigational approaches of tender conversations, you are given inspiring yet wholly applicable advice on how to talk about matters we often avoid or circumnavigate into a false positivity. These anecdotes include reflections on times where tender conversations were not navigated as smoothly as hoped, and these serve to remind us that we're not always going to get it right. Her book comes out at a very important time as so many have had to face ideas of mortality with the pandemic, when there are many more unwell people right now and when increasingly people are struggling with their mental health. The book is told mostly through a series of case studies that range from conversations with relative Giving a time warning is helpful if you know one or other of you needs to finish the discussion soon. “Thank you” is a good note to finish on: even in a disagreement, giving thanks for their honesty and time shows appreciation and respect. Your disagreement need not become a ruptured relationship. Look after yourself I recommend ‘Listen’ – and not just for professionals whose duties require them to break bad news. It is for all of us who, at some point, may need to find the words during our own tender conversations. People sometimes continue to talk to someone they’ve lost as if they are still there. It doesn’t mean they don’t realise they’re dead, or that they’re not processing the loss. It can simply be comforting ritual.This is less of a guide on difficult conversations and developing listening skills than a invaluable source of improving our lives for the better. I think there are so many of us who would benefit from the life stories and advice of this superb book, offering opportunities for gaining peace of mind. There is an emphasis on communities and connections, for equality amongst the participants of any conversations, that the process is collaborative, and an acceptance that you might not know what is at play. This is not something I often say, but I think this is a book for everyone, which is why I am highly recommending this as a must read. Many thanks to the publisher for an ARC. As someone who had loved Kathryn Mannix's previous book this was a "must read". The true life story in the first chapter is set in the author's early days as a doctor and brought tears to my eyes. It is a story about the author, a widow and Dorothy who helped out. It sets a tone for this book about the difficulties of dealing with challenging situations and conversations. Even when these are done "properly" they sometimes don't work all that well.

Like a number of the books on this list, this isn't a title to read in one go and to put aside. It's one to put on the shelf and return to over and over again; as I said earlier, it's a lifelong skill that you have to work on to keep it sharp. Your relationships will be all the better for the work you have put into your listening skills. This wise, gentle and profound book will not only help us to keep walking. It will teach us how to dance.

A good listener will ask questions

This is a book about empathy, about supporting people – whether they are your family, friends, or patients. When a doctor examines a tender tummy, he needs to be careful not to make the pain worse. We need to take the same care when approaching someone’s emotional pain, advises Kathryn. I cannot recommend this book more highly and it is one I will read again as I try a lot harder to put into practice all that she writes about. I will inevitable realise that I could do better and expect to reread this book from time to time to refresh my memory until having better conversations and listening appropriately comes as second nature to me. There are points when she talks about a group of teenagers who are learning listening skills and how to communicate with others on difficult topics. The maturity of these teenagers to grasp the needs and how things should be ideally is impressive and an inspiration. It is also a reminder that this book should be read by so many people, including our young people who are striving to support those around them through challenging times. Grief is not an illness, it is a response to loss. The grief will last as long as the loss does, and after a death the loss will last for ever. The loss permeates a bereaved person’s present, their memories of the past and their expectations of their future. Although they will eventually find their pain is a smaller component of their everyday life, it is not going to leave them completely. … They will not ‘get over it’ despite encountering many people who tell them that they should. Grief is a process that will eventually enable them to live alongside the loss. It will take the time it takes.” We have to keep reminding ourselves that this is not me, this is not my dilemma, this is not my sorrow. If I’m truly empathic I will understand how great the sorrow is for that other person, but it’s still not mine. It’s theirs,” says Kathryn.

From the best-selling author of With the End in Mind , this is a book about the conversations that matter and how to have them better - more honestly, more confidently and without regret. When I started reading this, I was a few weeks into my current placement where I have been working with individuals with social and emotional mental health needs and adverse childhood experiences. I was so worried that I would say the wrong things to these people and cause further upset in their life that I didn't stop to think about what they might say to me and how my response could potentially have a similar effect. stay clear of terms like ‘the deceased, the body’ or defining them by their relationship to the person receiving the news – use the dead person’s name, as it really does make a difference

Recognise that we are all different

When you’re talking about emotional pain, you cannot do something that takes the person’s pain away,” states the therapist. “But you can be rough and uncaring and leave them there in their pain alone, or you can be open and caring and be their companion in their distress.” Telling stories can help us make sense of pain and trauma This book is, in a way, a guide for everyday difficult conversations, but it has a very clinical approach. Mannix is a doctor, after all, and most of this book focuses on how to deal with illness and death, helping our family and friends when they're afraid as well as dealing with our own feelings. Like her first book, Listen offers the reader insight and comfort and a useful tool in each individual’s attempt to be supportive when confronted with difficult conversations and situations. I heartily recommend it. In the end, human wellbeing is rooted in community and nurrtured by being listened to and understood." The way we listen affects the speaker’s confidence. If we listen as ‘experts’, the speaker may fear exposing their uncertainty, or they may move from useful problem-solving to seeking our advice. If we listen as ‘critics’, to judge or point out errors, they may fear exposing their mistakes. If we listen with a vested interest, they may feel unable to explore negative emotions or hurts.”