Dearest, I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier 'til this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that – everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been. V.” I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to stay long enough to graduate and get a job. I'm sorry that I'm leaving you. I hope in the next life I will have a better childhood, parents, and friends. I hope it's better than this life I hope it's not as sad as this life. I'm so sorry that I couldn't match up and fit your expectations for you. I'm sorry for not being enough for you and not being the greatest at everything. I'm tired, tired of all of this. You shouldn't be sad that I'm gonna be leaving the world's overpopulation anyway and I won't matter there and the worlds gonna die and end either way. I wish I got the help I needed. I wish I was able to open up and be able to cry. I wish I was able to feel something but now I'm empty and can't feel anything like I'm avoiding. I wish I made a better decision in making friends. I wish I was able to talk to someone. I know life isn't fair and that it's shitty and not everything will go to plan so I hope you can understand me for leaving it might take a while so I'm sorry your gonna have to go through this. I'm sorry for the pain I'm gonna put you through. It's my fault your gonna be sad now. Please don't be sad that I'll be gone. Be happy for me because this is what I want. Let me go and be free from this endless depressing cycle I have.”

Suicide note - Wikipedia Suicide note - Wikipedia

To study the emotional balance structure of mental states in suicide notes we start by building a signed network from the CO network (see “ Materials and methods” section); then we evaluate its triad frequency and degree of balance—i.e., fraction of balanced triads; finally we present their statistical significance by comparing observed data against two different null models, as well as against the FA network, proceeding similarly as with the CO network. Let us underline that the comparison between the CO network, coming from suicide notes, and the FA network, coming from mind-wandering in the absence of suicide ideation, aims to identify potential patterns of psychological distress expressed in the language of suicide notes and potentially missing from the mental states of healthy controls during free mind-wandering. Emotional balance and triad significance in suicide notes The author of 100 Questions & Answers About AIDS effectively balances objective information about AIDS with accounts of individual experiences with AIDS and HIV to provide a helpful introductory look Continue reading » We explore how triad frequency and degree of balance (DoB) in both the CO and FA networks differ from random expectation when sequential structure or affective structure is disrupted, respectively. The first comparison is obtained by configuration models randomising network structure but keeping fixed the degree of individual words. The second comparison is obtained by label-shuffling, which altered the location and local degree of words of different valence while keeping the empirical structure fixed. In Fig. 2b we present a toy example of the null models. Finished in a frenzy that reminded me of our last night in Cambridge. Watched my final sunrise. Enjoyed a last cigarette. Didn’t think the view could be any more perfect until I saw that beat-up trilby. Honestly, Sixsmith, as ridiculous as that thing makes you look, I don’t believe I’ve ever seen anything more beautiful. Watched you for as long as I dared. I don’t believe it was a fluke that I saw you first. I believe there is another world waiting for us, Sixsmith. A better world, and I’ll be waiting for you there. I believe we do not stay dead long. Find me beneath the Corsican stars, where we first kissed.

The discipline of suicidology

Mais, vrai, J'ai trop pleure! Les aubes sont navrantes. What a sad and beautiful line that is. I'd always hoped that someday I'd be able to use it.” The most dramatic difference showed up in the neutral category: The genuine note-writers included much more neutral content, such as giving instructions or listing things to do (e.g., who gets this or that item from the decedent’s possessions). Everyone who has known me and who hears of this will have a different hypothesis to offer to explain why I did it. Practically all of these hypotheses will be dramatic—and completely wrong. Any sane doctor knows that the reasons for suicide are invariably psychopathological. Difficulties in life merely precipitate the event—and the true suicide type manufactures his own difficulties.” Notice that our ultimate goal is to identify mental and conceptual associations which are on average most typical for suicide notes. Hence, we do not take a sociological perspective focused on evolution of collective narrative strategies in connection with other social processes 30, 31. Instead, we aim at identifying cognitive patterns which are common across different individuals who committed suicide. Using free associations as linguistic benchmarks for text analysis

Suicide Notes by Michael Thomas Ford | Goodreads

The formal study of suicide notes started with a collection of 721 discovered at a coroner's office, written by people ranging from age 13-96.If there is a neutral word in the triad, the link will retain the valence of the other end node possessing a sentiment polarity; Researchers have found that quite a few suicide notes are emotionally neutral, giving lists, admonishments, or instructions. as a person who felt with suicidal thoughts i thought i should post a short quote from older letters of mine that i’ve never used. Impartially, shrewdly, I considered suicide, though not in my worst moments. The bottle of pills. The note: 'No hard feelings, everyone, but I've thought about it and it's just not on, is it? It's nearly on, but not quite. No? Anyway, all the best, C.” Unlike several well-known studies of semantic networks 26, 27 based on semantic associations stored in lexical databases, in our approach networks of associations are extracted directly from raw texts as written down by individual people. As such it can be seen as an extension of map analysis, as used by Carley 28, 29, enriched with: (i) link extraction and analysis based on modern natural language processing and network science metrics, (ii) additional cognitive data about affect patterns used in synergy with network structure, and (iii) linguistic benchmarks relying on recent datasets of conceptual associations (namely, free associations, see next section). These three points represent key ways in which we build upon and extend previous methods.