I'm not afraid of crabs (or any other shellfish. or corn on the cob.) and neither are my friends. We know exactly what to do. Butter. Spices. Beers. But some characters are killed by humans, reminding me (the reader) that humans are sometimes the worst killer crabs of all. Oh wait, now we have the Doritos Locos Taco. So never mind... at least Night of the Crabs will not give you orange fingers and heart disease.

Night of the Crabs, by Guy N. Smith Book Review: Night of the Crabs, by Guy N. Smith

Klin, expert fisherman with a mysterious past and a serious tent-pole problem that may be low grade PRIAPISM; And for me there's really no pity that no-one made this into a microbudget b-horror in the 80's; I've seen it scene-by-scene in my head already! Verdict: No other book about giant crabs invading Wales could possibly compare to Night of the Crabs. It is a gross literary injustice that this book is not on the list of 1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die. There is something to be said about horror-/genre-fiction sex scenes from this era (and really, through at least the 90s) in how utterly pointless and rote they were: very middle-class white dude (anti-)titillation. Always using the same language and general set up: members exposed to cool air, fumbling hands finding their way in the dark (nearly always the dark), warm moistness [one of the least sexy word combinations in the English language], a hand to guide the man in before the thrusting begins, and absolutely zero actual sexiness. They never add anything to the plot but a moment of general awkwardness for the reader, and yet they were nearly always included in these books. It's strange, really.These are not just ordinary giant crabs with glowing red eyes. Their shells are bullet-proof. And tank-proof. And fire-proof. And they have a leader. And the leader has a plan!

Night of the Crabs (Crabs, book 1) by Guy N Smith

Their lips met again, tongues probing and entwining. Both of them were experiencing the awakening of something which had lain dormant in them for so long. Rapidly they were getting out of control. Nothing else mattered…not even the giant crabs! The author,Guy N. Smith, wrote seven of these crab books. This is the first, published in 1976. The last, Killer Crabs: The Return, was published in 2012. Thats an impressive load of crab-oriented fiction. Our main female protagonist is, well, I’ll call her Sex Girl. Sex Girl has a name, but a name implies personality. Sex Girl spends the first half dozen of her scenes lying in her hotel room, naked, waiting for any one of the three main criminals to get awkward and physical with her. It takes about 70% of the book for her to put on clothes. Their military intelligence, second to none, neither man nor beast, had no way of overcoming the noise made by those tremendous pincers as they moved.” A very special prize for anyone who can diagram that sentence for me because I was lost after the second comma. I’m more than glad I let you come with me tonight," he whispered as he zipped himself up again. "I’m afraid, though, that we must still keep an eye open for those crabs!"

Non fiction

An all-out war ensues, with the monstrous crustaceans now swarming onto the helpless community of Shell Island. The military presence on Shell Island is almost completely annihilated by these seemingly indestructible freaks of nature. That particular scene ends with Cliff exclaiming “we must still keep an eye open for those crabs” which is probably one of those things you’re not supposed to say during sex. It is undemanding and fun. A trashy, pulpy dumb book about big crabs. Smith knows the kind of book he is writing and keeps the pace brisk by wasting no time on minutia like plot, character development or dialogue. He does, however, leave room for healthy amounts of hokey, campy and corny and I spent much of the story with an ear to ear grin on my face. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and plan on reading at least one of the sequels to see if the magic can continue. Der Ruf des Werwolfs (1976) (originally published in German only; published by Erich Pabel as a part of their "Vampir Horror Roman") Neben den verhaßten Schalentieren sorgen ein Bankräuber, eine Betrügerin, ein debiler Großwildjäger und ein Koffer voller Geld für Unruhe. Und natürlich gibt es wieder reichlich Sex-Szenen.