Catherine’s situation certainly isn’t a rarity. Workplace affairs are incredibly common, with stats suggesting that 65% of office workers have had a relationship with someone at work, and while only 19% of employees admit to cheating with a colleague, 44% say they have known coworkers who had affairs at work or on business trips.

Years ago, she did everything that I could ask for to try to set things right for us…excepting the only thing that’s impossible now: to not cheat on me at all. That’s a bell that she can’t un-ring, and one that I can’t ‘un-hear’. Sounds trite, but the fairy-tale of un-blemished courtship was ripped away from us…due to her willing actions. It IS the betrayed fault to some extend whn they ignore the needs of their spouse. I hate it when people dont take responsibility for their neglect. You dont sleep with your man/woman and expect them to be okay with that indefinatly? That is the trap of many low libido spouses. And its wrong and it certainly IS part of them who needs to accept blame. Research indicates that, while its certainly possible to maintain fidelity in our relationships, humans are not “naturally” prone to monogamy. Even in an age where divorce is accepted and available , many spouses still stray. The reasons for this phenomena vary but often even content/happy couples still cheat once the relationship has lost its shine. The elation and joy of that “new” relationship that provided the thrill and challenge of attracting and discovering someone new becomes replaced with a more realistic and sober existence in a marital relationship. That’s normal. But so is the boredom couples experience once the honeymoon stage is over. Many husbands feel surprised and rejected once their wives (now burdened down with work, kids, and life stresses) no longer desire to satisfy their sexual needs like before. After all, there’s now a long list of things competing for their attention, and all too often their husband’s sexual needs may fall far down that list. Likewise, husbands, stressed over unrealized life/success goals and the economic pressures of seeing themselves as the “provider” subconsciously substitute their financial contributions to the family for the romantic overtures and attention they once lavished on their wives. While its easy to say things like “we just kinda let things get away over time”, or “we got into a rut”, or “we were young when we married and then we both changed”, its fair to say that as far as the relationship went, many of us just got blithering bored, not necessarily with our spouses but with what we had morphed into over time.Since then, everything has been good with us. I made sure to ruin the lives of the son and dad just to have a win. So on Oct 17th 2017 I discovered that my wife had been having a 6 month long affair with her boss. On the 17th I thought it was just an emotional affair but on the night of Oct 20th we got into a huge argument and she didn't come home that night. This was the first time anything like that had ever happened. She lied to me and tole me that she just needed to get away and that she slept in her car in a park all night. On Oct 24th she confessed that she had gone to her bosses house and that they slept together. My whole world just collapsed. My wife was telling her boss she loved him. I just couldn’t believe it. The last 6 weeks since she told me she doesn’t love me I was doing so much stuff right and she was just luring me on, knowing she is falling in love with someone else. I always thought everything I was doing was falling on defs ears, which was so surprising as she said if I made these changes in February when had the discussion that she would be more in love with me now. Above all, I’m concerned that the guy has children, and by his own admission, he doesn’t want to break up the family. Even if he is just plodding along with his wife, it’s often the case that a person doesn’t end their marriage because they desperately want to be with their lover, but because they’re so miserable at home. Is he seriously unhappy? Because if he isn’t, you might find yourself waiting a long time. She denied " liking it" and said she hates him for being a pervert but that she felt I wasn't first in line for the promotion.

I am a war veteran with undiagnosed PTSD and depression issues. The month that this all started with my wife I lost my mother and my dog of 15 years. I became a total recluse (I from home 50% of the time and I am on the road for work the other 50% of the time) and rarely left our home. We have a 25 year old (my step-daughter) and a set of boy-girl 5y/o twins. My in-laws live with us in an in-law suite to help us take care of the kids and to assist them with their finances. I absolutely can't stand them so I arranged my work hours to start work around 10-11am and I would stay up until 2-3am to have the house completely by myself. During this time my wife had to wake up at 4am to head to work which resulted in us rarely seeing each other. To make matters worst this happened right after my wife had a major health scare and lost a lot her her muscle mass and gained a bit of weight. Could it be she was lonly and then once she got the attention could not stop, she has said she did love the attention but once she slept with her Ex it all stopped and she focused on how to make us better as she realised what a mistake she had made. You ask why this affair happened. I talked to psychotherapist Cate Campbell ( bacp.co.uk), who specialises in relationships and has written two books about sex. She told me about a study by Rosemary Basson, a professor of sexual medicine, that found that 10 years was the maximum length of time “active desire” could stretch in a relationship for many people. After that, “regardless of your age or how much in love you are, desire is responsive and follows arousal, rather than occurring spontaneously”.After a few too many, the managing director lets it slip that my wife liked to be humiliated in bed and that he had slept with her. After the MD gets even drunker he starts to claim that this was the first time she ever enjoyed sex and that he's " looking forward to the next time." It’s most definitely me at this point. It’s on me to let go of the hurt, I think. It’s overdue. How can I talk with my wife about this though? It’s not fair to me that she cheated, but after 10-years of her proving her fidelity to me, maybe it’s not fair of me to re-hash this whole thing. Is it right to talk about it with her? Should I seek counseling alone? I’m with her for the long-haul, but I’m just wondering if I’ll be carrying this pain for the long-haul too? There’s got to be a way to exorcise these demons. Not looking for the easy way out either…I’ll work at it. Just want these painful episodes to cease and desist. I find it difficult to trust my wife any more. I have not cheated on my wife as a Christian knowing that adultery is the most serious sin a person can commit as such a person is sinning against his/her own body. The Bible states that one can only divorce under such issues. I miss him terribly. I’m also sad that I perhaps misjudged him, and wonder if he isn’t such a lovely person . I know he has two adult children and problems with his wife. I don’t consider this to be my fault. We have been married 25 years and it has been difficult for the majority of the time. He has many qualities I admire, and I do love him, but I’m just taking it day by day and if one day I decide it’s over I will end it.. to me that’s the price the betrayer pays… a certain detachment from the betrayed spouse.. I’ll never feel the same about him, never. He broke my heart.

My wife – who’s steak was a nice medium rare and was unaware of my predicament – turned, jaw dropped, and stared at me like I was an alien from another planet. This look then slowly morphed into more of a there-is-no-place-on-this-planet-you-can-ever-hide-from-me expression of demonic anger.We sat down and I just listened to her. She told me she looked at a few places to stay for a bit longer to clear her head but was upset at how crap they were and that home was comfortable. My wife indicated she needed space for 3-4 weeks to evaluate everything that she has done without having everyone in her ear. My wife has always been a person that likes her own space to think and I could clearly see she was getting bombarded from our close family, myself and her friends. My wife said she needed time to see why her feelings for her boss were strong and if it was infatuation or was it something more. I agreed that time apart would be good. Even though I still love her so much, I wanted her to have a clear mind before we move forward with the marriage. I want her to realize that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side and that what she had at home, a family, means more to her than an emotional affair with her boss. In early September, I noticed my wife was super distant. I would talk about future plans or trips and she would say don’t book it as she doesn’t feel like going. I thought that was a bit strange but didn’t think too much into it. Sex leading up to the week before D-Day was drying up and she would always make an excuse not to have it. I remember a few days before D-Day we had sex and it felt so uncomfortable – like she didn’t want to be there. I knew something was up. Ali, It would be very hard to trust someone who blames you for his affair. Affairs are never the “fault” of the person who is betrayed. I understand your desire to stay for the kids. Some of my clients stay for that reason. Others want their kids to see a nurturing and loving relationship and choose to leave in hopes of finding a healthier relationship. What hurts kids the most if you stay is chronic arguing and conflict. Staying or going is one of the hardest decisions you’ll ever make. You could always go to a relationship counselor to at least discuss your options. Take care, Lori if you can live through the triggers and work forward from that place of agony, then you will know exactly what i am talking about. when we go through something traumatic, most of us will at some point realize that we will be ok. it comes directly after accepting the emotions instead of trying to fight them. Hi My wife of 8 years and 4 kids had a virtual affair with my cousin for 3 months and 2 months into that affair had a physical affair with her Ex. Both ended by her after she slept with her Ex and I did not find out till a few months later.