A clear social example of this phenomenon is the hippie movement. The flower children extolled a life of Child-Child transactions. Yet the dreadful truth began to become apparent: It’s no fun to do your thing if everybody else is only interested in doing his thing. In cutting off the Establishment they cut off the Parent (disapproval) and the Adult (‘banal’ reality); but, having cut off this disapproval, they found they had also cut off the source of praise. Children With Child-Dominated Parents Games are a particular type of transaction that has two different characteristics: an ulterior motive and a payoff. Harris was a good friend of Eric Berne, founder of Transactional Analysis and author of the popular book “ Games People Play“. Harris disagreed with Berne on a few concepts, but was overall a major proponent of Transactional Analysis. PAC: Parent, Adult, Child In life, you might cross your path with people who are trying to take a parent role over you, to make you feel guilty or make you act as they wish and please. The overall communication sounds adult, but secondary communication here is in the word hide, which comes from the parent.

If the child very early thinks “I’m not OK”, he also concludes that his parent, the big provider of all his life needs, must be OK. To me, this is extremely interesting, but also sounds like a possible instance of over-interpretation.The ‘games’ that people played were like worn-out loops of tape we inherited from childhood, yet continued to let roll. Though limiting and destructive, they were also a sort of comfort, absolving us of the need to really confront unresolved psychological issues. Berne’s brand of psychotherapy involved asking the client what he or she wanted ‘fixed’ and proceeding to fix it. There was no assumption of underlying malaise. This new approach was of course the essence of self-help. He says that there is no simple way to define intimacy, yet we can say that intimacy is only possible when coming from an “I’m OK, You’re OK” stance.

The famous book Games People Play by Eric Berne is actually only focused on Games, a very specific part of transaction analysis. Once we feel that we are not OK in a world of OK people, that’s when we play games, says the author. I’m Not OK, You’re OK is a position which can be changed once it’s understood. Parent & Child Play Games Harris began learning the theories of Transactional Analysis around 1960 directly from the creator of Transactional Analysis, Dr. Eric Berne MD. Harris observed the runaway success Dr. Berne achieved with Games People Play in 1964. Despite the numerous literary accomplishments of Games, Harris felt that he could simplify Berne’s theories even more and make them more accessible to a wider audience.

You’re OK but I’m not OK

To understand the success of Harris’s book, we must look at the trail blazed by his mentor, Dr. Eric Berne. Berne’s Games People Play, published three years earlier, was a surprise hit which brought academic psychology to a mass audience.

The real-life applications of I’m OK, You’re OK are multiple and potentially life-changing. Including:

The more we get to know the content of our Parent and Child, the more we can separate them from our Adult. I’m OK – You’re OK may make it up there right next to the Holy Bible or maybe even The Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook” Life Magazine. Interesting Review of I’m OK – You’re OK Albeit transaction analysis should be all about games, it’s simplistic in its approach that “I’m OK, You’re OK” people don’t play games. One of the reasons why I’m not a big fan of relying too much on models to describe reality is that people often end up stretching reality just to fit into their model.

Once I observed an eleven-year-old, nonverbal, autistic boy evidence the seeming perception of the I’ M NOT OK-YOU’RE not ok position by an intense, repeated hitting with his fist, first his counsellor, and then his own head. It was as if he were acting out his view of life: You’re not ok and I’m not ok. Let’s smash both of us. And that’s how it is for most models: reality is too complex to fit it all into one simplified model. I’m OK You’re OK”, like many old-school psychoanalytical approaches, talks in terms of dogmas and ultimate truths. Even without the evidence.He also further discusses the games that “sinners” play in relation to religion, all of which are extremely interesting. PAC & Power Relations Thomas Harris explains that when transactions happen between the same modality -ie. parent to parent or child to child- they can go on indefinitely. The parent taught and demonstrated life. The child felt, wished or fantasized. The adult finds out.