I imagine most readers of Mira Kirshenbaum's "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay" are leaning towards the going. Most of us tend not to mess with the good, or spend time analyzing why we feel bliss; rather we seek out deeper understanding only when something hurts. Human nature, I suppose. Take notice only when life becomes a pain. But as I read Kirshenbaum's easy to absorb guide on fencesitting relationships, I realized this is a good read even for the best of relationships. Even for those currently between relationships. Why not gain understanding as a preventative measure and avoid the iffy relationship entirely? That is, love is a feeling based on reality. The problem arises when people are ambivalent about their relationship. Should I stay or should I go? One another reason people struggle with their decision is that they still love their partner. And that’s where emotions take over. The balance-scale approach—piling up all the evidence for staying and against leavin g—doesn’t work for anybody. It’s such an ordeal talking about the littlest thing.” This is when negotiating solutions together is virtually impossible. A relationship where you feel demeaned, where there is no trust, or where there is a constant threat of physical violence should be left, regardless of the good things it has going for it. It's easy to convince yourself that the good offsets the bad, but some things are simply too bad to put up with, and significantly predict unhappiness.

Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help

On the other hand, if one has a relationship where they feel supported, they can trust their partner, where both parties are attracted to each other and enjoy touching each other, and they think their partner is truly a good person, it is likely that the bad parts in the relationship can be overcome and that the good is enough to make the relationship worth staying in.

Is having custody more likely, and have you thought through what it’s like to parent kids on your own?

Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay - Apple Books Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay - Apple Books

This book was amazing in helping me decide what to do about the ambivalent relationship I have been in for over 5 years!!!! Al compartir mis impresiones estoy decidiendo hacerle saber a quien esté pasando por alguna dificultad con su pareja: a todos nos sucede, no todos sabemos cómo solucionarlo, no estás solo/a y es mejor que te tomes acciones claras para solucionar tus problems. Busca ayuda, mentores, hazte preguntas objetivas y búscales respuestas. Sentarte a sufrir a solas no te sacará de dudas. No digo que haya que salir a gritar a los cuatro vientos qué está mal con nuestras vidas, pero sí está bien abrirse a alguien de confianza que no esté directamente involucrado y que te pueda guiar. Compartir tus problemas abiertamente cuando estás en plena crisis probablemente te exponga a mayores daños, porque en medio de los problemas se es más vulnerable de lo normal. En crisis se dicen y se hacen tonterías. Sin embargo, lo que aprendas al solucionarlos puede que sirva de ayuda a otros. I can do whatever I want, right?” Your partner’s making unilateral moves: doing what he wants when he wants it by himself without talking to you about it.

Want a Free Copy of My Summary?

Diagnostic question #21. In spite of all the ways you’re different, would you say that deep down or in some respect that’s important to you your partner is someone just like you in a way you feel good about? Your answer here is only meaningful if a clear, definite yes came through without hesitation or confusion. If you have to stop to analyze your feelings to see if your answer is yes, it’s not yes.” 5. Issue: Preconditions for Love Diagnostic question #26. Do you feel that your partner, overall and more often than not, shows concrete support for and genuine interest in the things you’re trying to do that are important to you? Your relationship is too good to leave if no guideline points to the fact that it’s too bad to stay in.” 19. Next Steps