Even if the solutions are unconventional or not widely accepted. Even if some would ask me, "Why are you even married if you're allowing your husband to cheat on you?""What is the point of marriage?" Dramatic music boomed, and pictures of heroes flashed across the screen. I sighed and settled in for a night of movies, more drinks, then some hanky panky. My husband jumped onto the couch next to me, excited as a school kid. He’d been waiting for this movie, yet another superhero fantasy thing, to come out on streaming for a long time. I wasn’t as psyched about the movie as Ben, but I enjoyed seeing him so excited.

Everyone seems to think that if a couple is not having sex, that they are doomed for divorce. I disagree. My husband and I have a lot of good stuff between us. There is a lot more than sex in this relationship to sustain us and our family. If he needs to rendezvous with someone else to stay sane, or happy, or with me, then go ahead.I'm in this for the long run. I want to go to soccer games and dance recitals with my husband. I want to watch our kids graduate together. I want to come up with solutions to my sex struggles that keep us together for all of life's great moments for years.

I've tried having sex when I'm not in the mood, and it's horrible. I don't feel horny. I feel annoyed. I feel worse. I feel resentful. No, instead, I got creative. I offered my husband a hall pass. A free pass to get freaky with whomever he wants. An open marriage, to me, is not ideal. But, neither is divorce. Ben did a great job of suppressing a groan, as he no doubt remembered the BBC detective show I’d made him watch last time. The truth was, movie night wasn’t really about the movies at all. It was about spending time together. We both had demanding jobs and, even when we weren’t working, we had other… hobbies that kept us busy. While we both enjoyed working and our extracurricular activities, once a month we liked to spend one night, just the two of us and whatever movie showed up on our streaming services.

When I'm ovulating, normally and painfree, I wanna pounce on anything that has a penis. The fact that there is some spark down south gives me hope. But, hope ain't enough for my hubby. I love the idea of gifting a wine bag, something leather and sturdy that can carry four to six bottles. So often, I find myself needing to bring wine to a dinner or a restaurant and, instead of lugging a cardboard box, a nice leather carry-on bag makes life that much easier. A quality bag will only look better with time and adds a bit of romanticism to the experience of traveling with wine. Once you have one, you can’t go anywhere without it.” —Ben Chesna, wine director of 2023 Best of Award of Excellence winner Bistro du Midi, Boston Whatever the reason, I'm not going to make myself do something I don't want to do. I'm not going to set a sex-schedule for me and my husband because that's what the sexperts and psychobabblers of the universe suggest. Marriage, in your own life, can be defined and carried out any way that you'd like. Men and men, women and women, kids or no kids, living in the same house, or living separately, open or closed. Whatever works for you.

Of course I'm bothered by my struggles with sex. It's not easy for me either. It's especially difficult as a person who has been groomed through society to think that the only way to achieve intimacy with your partner is sex. I'm learning that's not true. I hope my husband learns that, too. In the meantime, he has his free pass. This is going to be epic!” Ben gushed and navigated to the picture of the heroes and heroines standing defiantly in front of a huge, purple skinned alien. He's starving for sex. And if he's gone on a business trip during the three days I'm ovulating he's screwed. And not in the good way. It could be a month before the next surge of estrogen puts me in sexy mode. And my husband has made his dissatisfaction very clear to me on several occasions. My husband and I are friends and family. With the introduction of children, we are lovers second. I put my kids before my husband. I don't give a damn about obligatory date nights. We are raising needy, helpless human beings. They will ALWAYS come first.