It was another six months before the opportunity finally presented itself at the office holiday luncheon. Our office did a holiday luncheon for each department, which meant they served us some random cafeteria food and made us eat together in a room. I sat with Matt and a few friends. The topic of drinks came up, and I suggested we all get together after work to have a *real* holiday celebration. Matt declined at first, but I begged him to come, and he caved. Shan, it’s important you look within. You are the most important person in your lives and he the same. Together it builds you up not down.

I’m like this until I am poked. When I get poked and poked, repeatedly for almost three years, then my eyes will open and you are going to see my long, sharp teeth. I hope that other women reading this will take away this: Trust your husbands and don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and your marriage. When clients aren’t around, they all sit in the common area and talk about their families, kids, or trips they plan to go on during their next vacation time.

Marriage Is So Much More than Love

Katie Hood, TED Speaker and CEO of One Love Foundation says that this kind of decision dictation is a classic warning sign that you’ve fallen under the rule of a possessive, controlling partner. “If you feel like you are living your life in a constant, stressful effort to not provoke a negative reaction from your partner, that’s a strong clue that you are in a toxic relationship,” she says. Compromise is an infrequent visitor in your home. I put her on blast on social media. I almost called her out by name, but I did not. I put enough information on the status for our mutual friends to know who I was talking to. Little did she know that I had saved every one of her texts, pictures, and tags she sent to or included my husband in. I had the proof to prove that she was not the victim here. They’d rather talk about the handsome, smart guy your sister’s marrying. Or they remind you of how well your ex is doing since he moved to Florida. Good qualities you mention can be redirected to other topics. It is a spouse’s or partner’s responsibility to communicate to his or her partner what is acceptable and what is not. It is also incumbent on a spouse or partner to become educated about the law, about the disease of addiction, and to learn as much about the psychological underpinnings of the three “A’s” and these sorts of behaviors as possible. It is a partner’s responsibility to communicate as clearly as possible about what he or she believes is going on and to insist that his or her partner get help.

Emily Bernard is a NJ based Features Editor and Peer Mentor for Collider. Tig Notaro and Cheryl Hines referenced an article of hers on their podcast, Tig & Cheryl: True Story. Hearing them talk about it was an out-of-body experience from which Emily is still recovering. Her words have also been recognized by a number of other famous folks, including Emmy-nominated actress and Werewolf by Night star Harriet Sansom Harris, director and composer Michael Giacchino, Sarah Sherman, Jamie Lee Curtis, Melanie Lynskey, and Judy freaking Greer. I’m married to an addict. It’s been extremely difficult dealing with the ups and downs of the on and off recovery. Needing you to tend to his needs, not go to work to stay with him, buying fresh fruits and making extremely healthy meals. Paying for Dr appointments and rehab when he’s going through withdrawals and the secrets of having started again and seeing it everyday when you ask him how he’s doing today. Stealing credit cards and taking cash for every other reason but the one they won’t admit.Often, separation is a good idea as couples learn about the addiction, affairs, or abuse. A healthy separation can enable individuals to focus on their treatment and come together as needed when both are ready. This sort of separation enables both parties and their family to recognize that recovery is an individual’s responsibility and it is also a family affair. Whether children or extended family know explicitly about what is going on, to be sure, they are all affected. So when an individual begins recovery, so too does the family, and each member of the family may need support and/or counseling. She and I were actually friends in high school and college. Not close friends, but we had several friends in common and got close again once she started working in the same office as my husband. I slept with a married guy for a couple of months," a friend of mine told me. Unsurprisingly she wanted to remain anonymous. "It didn’t matter that he was 10 years older, or that he pursued me for months. When his wife found out she got in touch, called me names, claimed I’d pushed myself on him which couldn’t have been further from the truth. "I don’t feel good that I slept with a married guy, but I wasn’t married - he was. They’re still together and I had to leave the job where we both worked."

Dr. Phillips says that optimal marriages require that both parties agree “on all matters that directly shape their future, including household conditions, children, finances, career and other big decisions.” Little does she know that my husband told their boss everything that had happened. He is completely innocent in everything and was just trying to keep the peace for the sake of his job. Healthy marriages should consist of deep friendship, which begins with authenticity and trust,” says Monica Berg, Chief Communications Officer of the Kabbalah Centre, and author of Rethink Love: 3 Steps to Being the One, Attracting the One, and Becoming One.With a toxic partner, it will never come down to, ‘I’m truly sorry. I was wrong in that situation, and I will work to make sure that doesn’t happen again.’ Toxic, abusive partners don’t want to take ownership (in situations where they objectively should) and will avoid doing so again and again. And, when they seem to take ownership, it’s manipulative and over-the-top, with no change in behavior to support it,” she says. You feel insecure. Don’t worry – you are not alone. It has happened to countless women. It’s easy to get fooled by a narcissist, and by the time you figure out who he really is, you are probably already married to him.

With everything laid out, and nothing to lose at that point, I started to *really* flirt with him at work. There had been some casual stuff before, but easily passed off as friend type stuff. This wasn't. This was very clear and very direct. I wanted him, and I made sure he knew that every single day. Sometimes he laughed it off. Sometimes I could see in his eyes that he was tempted. I was tenacious and determined, but tried to be sweet about it. I’ve learned a lot of lessons in my life, some were easy, and some were hard. One of the most difficult things I had to learn came from an unexpected and unusual source: the woman who tried to take my husband. And I’d like to tell her what exactly it is that I learned from her. Almost daily we’d get into some kind of disagreement about this woman. I had received more messages from concerned friends. My worries came out as jealousy and accusations were thrown at my husband. The messages took me by surprise but I reassured my friends that everything was fine and just brushed their concern off as the female co-worker being a little addicted to social media and bored at work.

3. They’re overly affectionate

I cheerfully admit that when I got married last year, I had my concerns. What would happen if we grew apart, if the age gap between my husband and I somehow became important in a way that it never had before? I even indulged in paranoid fantasies about what we would do if one of us turned out to be infertile. The kind that uses her gender to her advantage in a bad way. The kind that makes it hard for women who are genuinely being sexually harassed in the workplace to report it. The kind that likes to push boundaries and cause drama in an otherwise peaceful marriage. Lumley placed the term in the middle of a list of advice that her mother had given her. ‘She couldn't bear bullying and had an enormous sense of social justice’ says Lumley. “'Do as you would be done by' was always her mantra...'Be reliable, don't be a thief or a snitch or a husband stealer', all those lessons were instilled into me as a child and to stand up to any form of wrongdoing and bullying.’" Because nothing is ever his fault, your narcissistic husband is usually the “ victim” of others’ actions. If his project at work failed, he will blame it on his boss, co-worker, or clients. He constantly has a victim mentality because he cannot look at his own actions and see that he is responsible [2] . 10. He Doesn’t Feel Guilt That opened the door. I was someone he could talk to about those sorts of things, and he did. The little things he didn't like. Inconveniences. The normal stuff people gripe about at work to make conversation sometimes. My wife wants me to try this new diet, but I'd have to give up beer. There's a new movie out I want to see, but my wife hates those types of movies, so we're probably going to watch that new rom-com. Etc., etc., etc. I was right there, siding with him, inching in further every chance I got, always aware the end game I was after was watching Matt's marriage go up in flames so I could have him for myself.