Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

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When you teach someone to work hard when you're yelling at them, what do you think happens when you're not there? I really like books formatted in this fashion, and find that this presentation style really helps me retain the information covered. Old school toughness is all about projecting a facade – creating an image of toughness that depends on overstating your endurance levels and capabilities. This book would be great for coaches or parents looking to find ways to foster toughness and grit in their players/kids.

What I mean by real toughness is the confidence that will equip us to not only do hard things that challenge us and help us grow, but to enjoy the process of engaging in difficult projects, athletic challenges, or conversations, all of which will help us become better, happier people. In one study of over 1,200 parents, authoritarian parenting was linked to a much higher rate of child misbehavior. Also, most people avoid discomfort and we are a taught at a young age that we get positive affirmation when we succeed or accomplish a task and no response or a negative response when we fail. However, the book was actually pretty decent, once you keep aside expectations set by the title and by grandiose online claims.This section of the book deals with learning to know when and how to push through certain situations.

This book runs through a lot of topics around toughness and busts the myth of suppressing and ignoring negative emotions and tough situations. You can sign up for my weekly letters for software engineers on their path to greatness, here: swizec. Magness has served as a consultant on mental skills development for professional sports teams, including some of the top teams in the NBA.

If you teach someone to work hard when they're showered in praise, what do you think happens when you're not there to hand out the stickers? When you’re all about image, you set goals designed to impress other people: I’m going to run a marathon or I’m going to marry the most attractive partner I can find. Magness’ anecdotal advice, especially when they involve marrying ideas from Buddhism as well as self-help and discipline combined with basic biology, provide very reasonable guidance for individuals looking to better their lives, and confront reality on a more sound footing.

Magness uses a combination of his own experience as a running coach, interviews with elite athletes, and interesting scientific studies to provide a cohesive narrative and strong argument on what real toughness is and how each one of us can harness the tools to Do Hard Things. Raising the floor, on the other hand, simply requires you to set a manageable target – perhaps even an easy target. Those players had more technical fouls (an indicator of aggression) throughout the rest of their career.If you set an unrealistic goal – say, doing a hundred push-ups a day when you’re not in shape – and you fail to meet that goal, you have to lower the bar.