22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Asperger's Syndrome

Product Information

The positive note Friends and family might make you realize just how unhappy you are, and mirror back to you your own words and emotional state. The Huffington Post breaks down everything you need to know to translate the dress code on the invitation. As a matter of fact, you’ll probably get more understanding from his family than your own, because they have had to deal with his behavior for a long time and know what a struggle it can be.

She will not feel deprived or live with disappointment that she hasn’t achieved what she wanted in life. As a result, many have gone through a series of jobs and have had unsatisfactory experiences which get more discouraging as the years pass. This confusion and frustration can cause him to clam up, walk away, and try to avoid any future conversations about feelings. A lot of Aspies don’t realize how much work it takes to keep a relationship going and they get lazy. Also, once a certain level of trust has been severely breached and has left that indelible mark it may be next to impossible to mend the rift between you.If he has a recipe for success in an area of his life, adding a new ingredient (you) would be unwise. They might not even notice it, but because you want to make a good impression, you are super-conscious of it.

Because many people with AS are highly intelligent, they may have a hard time with teachers that are not up to par in their eyes, and bosses that don’t run things as well as they could. He probably finds your presence comforting and reassuring even if he hasn’t got a clue how to express it. If he manages to make it through to a doctoral study, he will probably be happiest with that phase of his education, having more autonomy. We take male qualities to the extreme—the independence, the stoic behavior, lack of emotion and caring. Meanwhile, as he’s snoring away on the couch or at the far end of your queen-size bed, you may lose a lot of sleep wondering what it is you’re doing wrong; why you displease or bore him.

Of course, this emotional deprivation is not the intention of the AS partner; it is due to the limitations of theory of mind caused by having AS. Although it sounds quite Zen, it can be more than a bit frustrating to watch him become one with the television, bed, or computer when there are chores to be done or a world to explore. The effects of this, and CADD, can be reduced if both partners accept and understand what is responsible for the difficulties in communication, intimacy and empathy within the relationship; it is then more likely that problems and misunderstandings can be avoided. They may feel that he doesn’t deserve you, especially if they haven’t taken the time to learn about AS. A sharp pair of scissors, also kept in a secret spot so they never vanish or get dulled when you most need them.

If you are dishonest, even occasionally, you will lose her trust, and she will begin suspecting you even for the right things you do. The positive note Marriage can and does often put pressure on people, and he wouldn’t be the first to question whether or not it is necessary. His pajamas and sheets will have to be made of certain materials, and your night clothes as well if he’s to sleep with you. He may raise his eyebrows a lot in a worried expression, or have some of the more evident physical signs of AS—rocking, etc. Some individuals with AS are more obviously affected, while others are not, and may go most or all of their life without being properly diagnosed (Barnhill 2004).

Women long for affection in their relationship, whether they are newly married or have spent a couple of years in their marriage. He may question you as to how you can possibly know he’s the right one for you, not being able to fathom that sort of decisiveness on such an important issue. This may embarrass you, and make you wonder if you imagined his personality was completely different.

As mentioned, there does seem to be a “disconnect” that goes on, usually temporary, between the heart and mind of a person with AS. When it does, it is dazzling, and you appreciate it so much more than someone who lives in a place where the sun always shines. This can sustain you emotionally in hard times, but it won’t replace having a partner who is there for you 100 percent.SELF may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. I learn a lot from my female friends and I don’t want to lose them just because I’m in a relationship. Men assume women are difficult to understand, but it’s a combination of little things that make all the difference.