Lose Your Mother: A Journey Along the Atlantic Slave Route

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Anger: It is not uncommon to feel a lot of anger after losing a mother. This can be towards themselves, God, or others.

All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.”– Abraham Lincoln Heartfelt Mother Daughter QuotesStarting your own traditions may help you find comfort knowing your children will have both yours and your mother’s traditions to carry on with them. Focus on happy memories We have to stop bullshitting about Africa. The naïveté that allows folks to believe they are returning home or entering paradise when they come here has to be destroyed," John said. I nodded in silent agreement. It was as far as I could commit myself. As I drank the beer Mary Ellen placed in my hand, I wondered how Ghana would look in my eyes by the end of the year. Would I love it, or would I never want to return? If your parents separated, you might find that your grief is different from your surviving parent’s grief. This can be particularly hard to deal with if they hold negative feelings towards their ex-partner. Those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us every day. Unseen, unheard but always near, still loved, still missed, and held so dear.”– Unknown

I envied them. In the sixties it was still possible to believe that the past could be left behind because it appeared as though the future, finally, had arrived; whereas in my age the impress of racism and colonialism seemed nearly indestructible. Mine was not the age of romance. The Eden of Ghana had vanished long before I ever arrived.

Since She Left

Extreme sadness and emptiness: One of the most common symptoms after losing a mother is feeling an intense sense of sadness and emptiness. This can be all-consuming and make it hard to function. Instead of giving in to sadness and being consumed by grief, let’s celebrate their life in heaven with beautiful quotes to brighten up our day! All of those emotions, those reactions, are fully justified too because of the special bond that a mother and her child share for as long as they’re around, from birth to death. Aban is the Akan word for "castle." It is how Ghanaians refer to the government and how they perceive it: as a fortress and a foreign entity protected by great white walls. Even Kwame Nkrumah, the great anti-imperialist, had chosen the castle as his presidential residence, appropriating the symbol of colonial authority as his own and, at the same time, distancing himself from its corruption by building a new edifice for the Parliament. "The old slave castle had become the proud seat of the new rulers," writes Ayi Kwei Armah, "the blind children of slavery themselves." I miss the warmth of your gentle hug and the love I felt when my arms were wrapped around you. I miss seeing your beautiful smile and the sound of your voice saying my name. I miss hearing you say, ‘I love you’ and me saying, ‘I love you’ in return.”– Millie P. Lorenz

It may help your grief to incorporate your favorite traditions from your mother. This could mean making recipes she used to cook, or using the same fragrances she used in her home. Another beer?" Mary Ellen asked as she cleared the empty bottles. I nodded my head. She didn't ask John but placed another beer before him. I suspected they had begun drinking before I arrived. A person can never get over the loss of a parent, especially their mother, but they can learn how to live with it. A lot of people say boys who have good relationships with their mothers become great men in the future. I try to find notebooks with her handwriting, hoping maybe she left a note for me somewhere. It will frustrate you to do this, but you can’t help it. You just need one more piece of her, however tiny it is.

My Dad Remarried after My Mom Died, and as a Daughter It’s Bittersweet

The most important thing is that you allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling. Don’t try to bottle your emotions up or ignore them. It’s okay to be sad and it’s normal for your grief to come in waves. There is no timeline on when you should start “moving on with life,” so don’t rush yourself or feel guilty about still being upset months down the road. If people tell you that you need to get over it, ignore them because they have no idea what they’re talking about.

When someone dies, there are a lot of practical things that go along with their death as well. You will probably have all sorts of errands to run from making funeral arrangements and settling their estate. It can help if someone helps take care of these tasks while also giving you space when you need it most – especially at first before everything becomes more routine. We have not “lost” our mothers. We say that to be polite, but in truth, we have become un-mothered, like Marie Antoinette was un-headed or that wilderness hiker who sawed off his arm was un-handed. It feels violent. It feels raw and fundamental, a pain that reaches all the way down to your ligaments and bones. Our mothers were our first firmament, literally, our first homes, the universe from whose substance we were formed. I tried to push through and be okay, I really did. But grief would slip out of me and I would find myself hysterically crying in the middle of a street in Dublin. When I got home, I still felt like I should be okay, at least for my son and my dad. I didn’t want them to think I was falling apart. So I held a lot of my sadness inside. It’s hard to fully grieve, especially when you’re a parent. When I’m trying to remember what ingredients my mom used in her special lasagna, I find myself grieving all over again. It never really stops, you just learn to accept it. https://www.cancer.org/treatment/end-of-life-care/grief-and-loss/depression-and-complicated-grief.html She will always be with you,” say the well-meaning, but if that’s true, I want to know why I still feel so miserably alone. Why can’t I talk to her or smell the sweet, clean scent of her hair when I hug her one last time?I cannot forget my mother. She is my bridge. When I needed to get across, she steadied herself long enough for me to run across safely.”– Renita Weems Happy Mother’s Day In Heaven Quotes If you had a difficult or estranged relationship, you might regret what you didn’t have, and for a relationship it’s not now possible to heal. Some things are truly difficult to forgive, but harboring resentment only harms you, since there’s no one left to receive it. Like John, I was stateless too. I had never been at home in the world. It was a sensibility I had inherited sitting on my great-grandfather's knee in Morning Pilgrim Baptist Church as he implored in his scratchy baritone voice along with the other congregants, "Lord, I'm going home, / No more toils, no more care, /No more grief to bear." Even as a child I perceived the gravity of these words and I knew they contained an appeal as well as a complaint. Abandoned by all but God, song after song declared. It was a feeling that seemed too ancient for my thirty-six years, but I came by it honestly. I was trying to get to the bottom of it, and for me it began in a holding cell. Remember your mother in a way that feels meaningful for you. This could be through a memorial service, planting a tree in her memory, or making a donation to charity.