Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

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I refuse to live with Paul if he doesn't change. I refuse to watch Paul ruin his health and don't ever want to argue with him again. I don't ever want to be lied to again.

How you answer these questions will give you a more in-depth comprehension of your unproductive thoughts, which are only bringing stress into your life. But (and there is a 'but') at other times, I would have chosen a different path, a different wording, a different sensitivity, a different way to bring issues into perspectives. Blame that on my psychology training or my personal taste, if you like, but the bottom line is this: Thoughts are like the breeze or falling raindrops. They appear and through inquiry we can make friends with them. It was especially the third question of the work that bothered me the most - "Who would you be without this thought?" and "Can you think of one stress-free reason to keep this thought?" Asking those questions leaves no room for understanding or empathizing with the legitimate reasons why we have a judgment, resistance, "should" or pain in life or towards someone. And I believe that the most powerful place of transformation is in understanding the motivation for why we are operating in a certain manner and then figuring out if there might be a better way to meet the needs motivating our behaviors. But the way the work sets it up is that one is only meant to inquire as to whether the thought creates stress or peace, and then we are asked to let the thought let go of us (I did appreciate her clarification that she isn't asking people to "drop the thought" or to try to drop it) on the basis of realizing it's not helping us feel peaceful or happy. Well, when you apply it to any aspect of your life, you will most probably realize that you have been stressed over for nothing.Mind blown - [this is the] best book I have read of this type since Power of Now. Really helped me to let go of beliefs and judgements that aren't serving me. Thanks for writing it.' -- ***** Reader review Do not do The Work in your mind. Our thoughts are too chaotic, and you cannot completely comprehend them if you do not write them down. Out of nowhere, like a cool breeze in a marketplace crowded with advice, comes Byron Katie and “The Work.” Growth must be accompanied by hard work. It is up to you to do it. Key Lessons from “Loving What Is”

Some level of judgment is necessary. "There's no path that's higher than another." Really? I mean, there are tons of paths that are A-OK by me, but I don't believe that all paths are of equal worth. And unless you think Mother Teresa's lifelong effort to serve others and relieve suffering is on par with Jeffrey Dahmer's lifelong path of sadism, death and destruction, then you too believe that some paths are inherently higher than others. Continue your list as you witness the situation and allow the images in your mind’s eye to show you how you react when you believe that thought. I'll give an example. In the chapter of dialogues on relationships and family she talks with Justin who is struggling because he feels that his family doesn't accept him or his way of life and they just want him to conform to theirs. But the way Katie speaks with him, she leads him to the conclusion that it is him that's being unreasonable or unaccepting because he's equally not accepting their nonacceptance of him essentially. We recommend “Loving What Is” to all psychologists, people feeling stressed all the time, and people suffering from depression. About Byron Katie

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As you consider the situation again, ask yourself, “Is it true that Paul doesn’t listen to me?” Be still. If you really want to know the truth, the honest yes or no from within will rise to meet the question as you recall that situation in your mind’s eye. Let the mind ask the question, and wait for the answer that surfaces. (The answer to the first two questions is just one syllable long; it’s either yes or no. Notice if you experience any defense as you answer. If your answer includes “because . . .” or “but . . . ,” this is not the one-syllable answer you are looking for, and you’re no longer doing The Work. You’re looking for freedom outside yourself. I’m inviting you into a new paradigm.) But as I got further into the book, and really started to grasp exactly what she was trying to say, and trying to get people to implement in their lives.. The simplicity of her steps, which breed deep insight in our own perceptions, and preconcieved notions.. that we may not necessarily be consciously aware of.. I found this book immensely helpful. Paul shouldn't watch so much TV and should stop smoking. Paul she told me that he loves me and shouldn't ignore me. You shouldn't criticize me in front of our Paul shouldn't watch so much TV and should stop smoking. Paul she told me that he loves me and shouldn't ignore me. You shouldn't criticize me in front of our children and Friends.

I was also disgusted by her nonsense that everyone's truth is equal. That is patently untrue. A member of the Taliban might determine what truth is for him, but most reasonable people will determine his truth is not equal to that of the most of the rest of the world. The Work only gives you options so that you can assess the problem more objectively; it does not give you an easy way out. Okay, my other main disagreement is that the application of the work felt too rationalistic and, again, simplistic to me. The reason being, a person who is applying the work is left with these binaries - "is it true?" (or false?) - when, what's usually the most helpful, I believe, is seeking understanding as to why or in what context something is true or false, not merely asking if it is or isn't.

Welcome to The Work

Byron Kathleen Mitchell, better known as Byron Katie, is an American speaker, writer, and founder of a method of self-inquiry called The Work of Byron Katie or simply The Work. She says "I'm asking the little boy, is anything not OK? Except for that thought, are you OK? Without the story, you OK?