The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

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Some of it has to do with the content of the conversation, but some of it comes down to word choice. You could easily turn the second example into a warmer example by saying, “The client loved our pitch yesterday. I’m excited to work with you on this project, so let’s get started.” All points mentioned, are broken down and explained with logic, reasoning and Vanessa does a great job by being intuitive and answering your questions, as you may think of them, as you read the book. This speaks volumes about her prowess, reflects on her credibility and is a reflection of all the years she has put in honing her craft. Any attempt at communication begins with the message in our heads. We encode it into words as well as nonverbal communications. The recipient then needs to decode the message and try to understand what we are trying to convey. They then either accept the message and internalize it, or reject it and toss it aside. This book is about how to get more acceptance of our ideas, large and small. Reader, pass by! How is this book different from so many other self-help books which promote good deportment? Answer: Not very. For an author who brags throughout the book about her lofty credentials and celebrated clientele, this is pretty thin stuff — and rather stingy with its insights, too. This book aims to teach you how to develop the charismatic potential that is already inside you. It is well organized and simple to follow, which is important for any self-improvement book.

Boring is the antithesis of charisma. It’s an absence of warmth or personality – and if you come across as boring, no matter how competent you are, you’re likely to remain invisible and unheard. To avoid being boring, put more intention into your communications. Decide what your goal is for the communication and infuse it with the right sort of warmth or competence in language. It may be that you intended to have an uncomfortable conversation – for instance, in the event of confronting an employee about poor performance. Or it may be that the trigger was unintentional, in which case you can offer solace or space to help smooth things over. One point that is made repeatedly is that you can't fake any of this. Whatever is in your mind will show in your face or body language and humans are built to interpret micro-expressions. So you have to believe the warmth you are exhibiting or it will come across as insincere.

When using visuals for yourself, the key is to be authentic and intentional. Make sure the visuals you choose are things you can be consistent with. And remember the warmth and competence factors.

Much of this is common sense, but it's nice to see it all put together in a professional format. Vary your voice when talking and raise it for emphasis. Be aware of when you're losing your audience. Don't be afraid to pause once in a while for extra emphasis- silence creates tension and anticipation. Use friendly words at the start of any engagement to warm up your intended audience, large or small. (But be genuine, not fake.) Try to start conversations with things like: When the physical discomfort can't be alleviated, it's even more important to prevent other people from taking your tension personally.The Charisma Myth does not explain the myth of charisma; instead it says that charisma is not innate, but can be taught. It is at least half-right about that.

In addition to being a regular columnist for Forbes, Olivia is often featured in media such as The New York Times, Bloomberg or BusinessWeek; and was recently profiled in The Wall Street Journal. Olivia is the author of "The Charisma Myth," published by Penguin's business book imprint, Portfolio. The book will be released February 16th, 2012. Competence body cues convince people that someone is to be taken seriously. These include things like power postures, intense gazes, steeple gestures (palms facing each other with fingers just barely touching), fluid arm gestures during presentations, and palm flashes. Microexpressions, fleeting facial expressions that reveal true emotions, can be decoded to gain insight into others' thoughts and feelings. Now, let’s talk about the head tilt. This is an example of a cue you can begin using to help increase your warmth factor.Overall, I enjoyed this book thoroughly and feel there is a lot I can learn from this book – but then the only question is, how much are you willing to apply and practice? That is the question which I believe will make the big difference. Charismatic communication comes down to two things: warmth and competence. The most successful people have the right blend of both, which leads them to be likable and respected, the two of which add up to trust. If you find yourself in this position, you’re probably doing well and have a good grasp of how to achieve your goals confidently. This visual cue inadvertently altered his image around the office. The sight of sleeves rolled up puts people in mind of someone getting ready to dig in and get to work. He was viewed as a problem-solver rather than a guy whose shirt sleeves were too short for him.

Personally, the author avoids Q&A, announcing that any questions have to be asked in the middle of the speech. This also serves to keep the audience more engaged and energetic. One reason why birds and horses are not unhappy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses. #2 – Becoming a Person of Influence: How to Positively Impact the Lives of Others (by John C. Maxwell) When you meet a charismatic person, you get the impression that they have a lot of power and they like you a lot. Before his career as a comedian, David Nihill was a regular job-hunter like anyone else. On his first day at a new job, he realized he’d shrunk all his shirts in the dryer. He decided to roll with it by rolling up his sleeves so no one would notice how short they were.But word choice is directly related to intent. So let’s talk about one important pitfall to avoid: being boring. Cues – the tiny signals we send to others 24/7 through our body language, facial expressions, word choice, and vocal inflection – have a massive impact on how we, and our ideas, come across. Our cues can either enhance our message or undermine it. Fictional characters are also great examples, especially since some of them are more charismatic than real-life figures could ever be. Don't try to impress people. Let them impress you and they will love you for it. Believe it or not, you don't need to sound smart. You just need to make them feel smart.