BDSM Submissive Punishments: Guide To Punishing Your Sub Like A Pro BDSM Dom (Includes Submissive Training)

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Before delving into the origins of subs’ pleasure from pain, let’s correct some common misconceptions: Some males might choose to keep their submissive tendencies private due to the prevalence of toxic masculinity; the concept of how a ‘real man’ should act, look and think,’ Coates agrees. ‘Traditionally masculine traits such as dominance, great sexual performance and strength don’t conventionally fit with being a submissive partner, though there’s nothing to suggest that a submissive partner can’t be great in bed or a strong-minded individual.’ A lot of people rush into the kinky aesthetic, grab the nearest listicle and then wonder why it’s not working. I know, because… Well, at least some of them have ended up in my inbox over the years.

These two points are stressed a lot in the kink community for good reason. But if you’re past the kink 101 stage, they can get a bit tiring to read about. So, if you’re experienced or really, if you’ve been around the kink community for more than five minutes I grew up thinking sex was shameful,’ Monieau adds. ‘I didn’t even know what masturbation really was, but I knew it was bad. We spoke to Bodyworker and Sex & Intimacy Coach Libby Sheppard, gynaecologist and co-founder of Hanx Sarah Welsh, and sex and dating expert at The Stag Company Clarissa Bloom, about the pros and cons of exploring kinky sex, plus we share 26 expert tips for beginners on how to enjoy a positive, safe and sexy kink experience: What is kinky sex? Keen to give kink a try? The key to exploring your kinky side starts with open, honest communication and fun! So sit down and talk about what turns you on with your other half before you get started. Discussing your sexual desires with a trusted partner can also serve as foreplay and be seriously steamy. So talk about it, plan what you hope to explore together and enjoy the ride! As long as you're all consenting adults, anything goes and the world is your rubber lobster: 1. Sensory deprivation During the early courtship, the Dominant will try and build the submissive’s confidence. As a submissive myself, this is crucial to helping me feel comfortable enough to test my limits. The Dominant can do things like ask for pictures in various stages of dress; starting from fully clothed and then gradually less. Reminding them that they are a beautiful, precious treasure to them. They can reassure them that they aren’t leaving. They will remind the submissive that they are safe and they cared for.

Like I said earlier, discipline and punishment are two totally different things, but they are related. A good Dom will help teach the submissive how to push their limits. They are training the sub to be the best sub that they can be for them. Failure to comply with any rules should usually result in some sort of submissive punishment. The harshness should be determined by the severity of the misdeed. For example, if a sub waits 15 minutes to respond to a Dom’s text message, an intense caning would probably be too much. Having a BDSM relationship with other people around is hard to do, that I can understand. Sometimes, novices just need a bit of broadening of ideas when you only hear of noisier punishment techniques. Things like spanking, flogging, caning and so on are definitely off the books if someone is around that isn't part of the dynamic. Punishment isn't something you should have to plan, but when you are tiptoeing around others, preparation and creative ideas are necessary. While there are lots of comprehensive lists out there, I would strongly recommend you put your phone away and start with your partner instead. (Just…errr you know, not right this second. Finish reading this first, obviously.)

Lines- Think like the bad students writing “I will not chew gum” on the board over and over again. Same concept. Both of the writing punishments are effective because they require internal thought combined with a physical action. There is something cathartic that happens when you commit an idea or thought to paper. It helps commit the idea to memory. What if you want to try and avoid the rule breaking and consequences all together? For me, punishment creates fear. The last thing that I want to do is have fear of my Dominant. Sometimes punishments are necessary, but you don’t have to always use that as your go-to. Rewards can go a long way to getting the submissive to stay in line. At least it works for me.On the other hand, if a sub has committed a major offense, corporal submissive punishment will probably be required. Quite a few times I’ve gained my Dom’s disapproval so much to make him spank me so long and hard that I’ve bawled into my pillow. Funishments are not designed to discourage the behaviour they are supposedly ‘punishment’ for, but rather give the top an excuse to do x or y to their bottom. They are a sort of roleplay, which is played out for the mutual gratification of the parties involved – in fact, somewhat counter-intuitively, I have seen funishment used as a reward system for bratty submissives. Punishment Rewards don’t need to be things. Tangible items are nice, but non-physical things can be just as wonderful, and they don’t require any money spent. Personally, I prefer these type of rewards, especially when they aren’t expected. They take thought and consideration. When a Dominant takes the time to think of these things, they have learned how the submissive will respond. They really understand her. This is a high degree of intimacy between the couple.

My three-in-one day of punishment started with a caning in the morning followed by two minutes of corner time so that I could think about my behaviour. This was followed by a taste of the tawse a few hours later and then, just before bedtime the paddle was used to end the day. Yet, I can recognize the value of having such strictness. Because I don't ever have to question His motives, I am very secure in my place as His. I know, without a doubt, that He strives to make me perfect for Him, that His reactions to my behavior are for His benefit, and therefore, my benefit. That is comforting.

Beyond BDSM: Pain as Pleasure

Of course, if you’re new to the world of being a submissive, it’s not as easy as going on Tinder to find the right match, says Coates. Technology has come on leaps and bounds and these days everyone and their dog can press record on their smartphone and make a sexy video. However, don't be disappointed if your sex tape doesn't turn out like the porn films. Find an area in your home with good lighting, wear your sexiest outfit and don't be afraid to delete it if you're not keen on the finished product. And do not invite your dog. 10. Sex with strangers This is my first blog, and indeed blog entry, on the subject of the punishments I receive for being a less than obedient and well behaved wife! This blog was given to me, by my husband, as part of any punishments I receive.

I know we have generally been given the idea that the punishment should fit the crime, but in this case, it really doesn’t have to. There are plenty of emotional masochists out there who thrive in the unfairness, harshness and cruelty. There are two different elements at play here. One is discipline and the other is punishment. How are they different, you ask? Don’t they go hand in hand? Yes and no. By definition discipline is to train to act in accordance with a specific set of rules. This is like going to the gym when you are training for a race of some sort. Punishment is a consequence of breaking a set of rules that have been established. Think detention for being late to school. Two sides of the same coin that work together for the best desired outcome. Do excuse the length, but I wanted to be as thorough as possible. I have done my best to make it navigable – you will find an index below and the guide is split up into six sections. Well… no. It’s absolutely not abuse. Doms are not just people who enjoy beating the crap out of weaker people, and subs are not just people with Daddy issues who seek abusive relationships because they have low self-esteems. Subs can be fiercely independent people who simply seek something specific to improve their lives through submission: guidance, mental quiet or mindfulness, sexual adventure, physical/mental/emotional challenge, etc.Clothes- Find something that you like her to wear and surprise her with it when she is following a rule. You could start with lingerie and tell her that she will get the complete outfit as she continues to comply with the rules. If I have agreed to a particular behavior and I don’t fulfill the requirement or I forget or something, then an agreed-upon or appropriate consequence makes perfect sense. Want more? Sign up for my newsletter and get BDSM tips on the regular. Frequently Asked Questions About Submissive Punishments What Should I Do if I’m Uncomfortable With a Particular Punishment? Im looking in advice on what rules, punishments that are given out from breaking a rule/rules and for rewards when rules are respected and when my sub is acting good.