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make sure each child gets alone time with you several days a week. don't talk about the other child during that time. Don't give attention to the aggressor -- even negative attention is appealing. Attend to the injured party instead, the aggressor will feel left out.
Are siblings natural adversaries? Not necessarily. In some families, the older siblings help their parents with responsibilities and take care of their younger siblings. The younger siblings respect their older siblings in return, and the children stay united and fraternal. The whole family treats each other with civility and tolerance. Many parents crave this scenario where their family is happy and harmonious. Parent's job is to teach his children how to solve these problems and how to adjust accordingly in life. If job is done right - sibling rivalry can even help their social and emotional development. Whiteman SD, McHale SM, Soli A. Theoretical perspectives on sibling relationships. J Fam Theory Rev. 2011;3(2):124–139. doi:10.1111/j.1756-2589.2011.00087.x remind them of the family rules, keeping the positive note. Instead of saying: "don't hit your brother". Try - "Solve your disagreements with words. Talk it out. Hitting, spitting, biting is not allowed."Before you start blaming yourself for all the life choices you’ve made that have caused your kids to hate each other on the daily, take a deep breath. Siblings are going to fight, with or without your interference. Similarly, parents can't just ignore the situation when problems occur among children. However, it's also harmful if parents try to decide who's right and who's wrong. What's important is to help the children mutually end arguments, learn to find common ground, and encourage them to make friends. This can all be achieved through skillful intervention. Suppose you have two or more children at home. In that case, you may be familiar with the following scenarios between your kids: Arguing over trivial matters; always thinking you favor one despite treating them equally; or the older brother helping outsiders bully the younger brother. These types of drama often play out among siblings. Respect your feelings: “You may be playing, but it’s too rough for me. You need to find another activity.”
That means in many cases, parents are too busy paying attention to the kid who does well academically or otherwise. So, the weaker one feels more neglected. The #1 New York Times best-selling guide to reducing hostility and generating goodwill between siblings. Before your start applying different methods to stop sibling rivalry, you need to know what causes it. It's the key to building a successful sibling relationship.
That said, there are parental behaviors that can exacerbate sibling rivalry. If you do any of the following (even unknowingly), you could be setting yourself — and your kids — up for a lot of angst: In my circles, this book is pretty well gospel for those with more than one kid. Written as a piece of narrative, instructive non-fiction, Siblings Without Rivalry discusses how to deal with your kids when they fight. The goal is to be aware of their motivations, your actions and reactions, and how to set up a house where, even if everyone is not at peace with one another, then at least everyone is respectful of each other. Faber and Mazlish preface their work with a note that this book is an outgrowth of a larger work on general parenting topics. They also take their person experiences in parenting and parent coaching and mash them into the rough story of one person with two children, leading a parenting group. The narrative style works to keep the pace up and enliven what might otherwise be a dry and impersonal instruction manual. And each chapter and topic has a section devoted to personal story telling. That is, the fictionalized members of the parenting group all tell their own stories so that you can find someone or something to identify with. I've already put some things into action and, like anything, consistency is the key. It doesn't feel very natural at first but I'm hoping my husband and I can get the hang of it. most things are for sharing but some things are by permission only (e.g. things on a special shelf)
The book reads like notes from round table discussion. Many anecdotes from parents, which were great. I wish there would have been a bit more on how to deal with the toddler/baby stage. This seems to apply more to the later years. If younger child gets pushed down accidentally, say, "Oh know you didn't want that to happen, you were having so much fun together (reminds of good relationship)The book offers nothing other than anecdotal evidence for the solutions and attitudes that it offers, and even most of the anecdotes aren't conclusive. Try to include their suggestions in final decisions and tasks. If you have more than one kid, try to include the suggestions of both in the decisions partially. This will induce a sense of responsibility and satisfaction in your kids. Parents often interfere too much within the fights of the kids. Let them handle their internal affairs by themselves. Until and unless it is absolutely necessary, do not indulge yourselves as judges in their affairs.
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