Women Who Think Too Much: How to break free of overthinking and reclaim your life

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So the next time you’re delivered this message, always consider the context and ask yourself, “I’m too much for who?”

Nolen-Hoeksema, Susan (2010). The Power of Women: Harness Your Unique Strengths at Home, at Work, and in Your Community. Times Books. ISBN 978-0805088670. Bottom line: If someone is giving you the message that you’re “too much” in some way, be aware that that person has likely disowned that part within themselves and is now projecting that unwanted attribute/characteristic onto you. In this way, it says far more about the person delivering the message and what they believe is acceptable or unacceptable for themselves than it does about you personally. Well Susan Nolen-Hoeksma Ph.D is. She gets me. We are soul sisters! Thank God I am not the only one! And thank God she gives some super practical advice on how to just STOP! Without just telling me to get over it - because those 3 words have me overthinking for days every time! Lol - am I laughing or crying? Laughing? Oh good! It’s working then. Widiger, Thomas; Cannon, Tyrone D. (March 2013), "In Memoriam: Susan Nolen-Hoeksema", Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 9 (1), doi: 10.1146/annurev-cp-9-031513-100001 The brains of depressed people look different to non-depressed people- oh this must mean faulty brains caused depression.

Do you come from a relational trauma background?

She entered Illinois State University before transferring to Yale. She graduated summa cum laude in 1982 with a degree in psychology. After earning a Ph.D. in psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, she joined the faculty at Stanford. She later moved to the University of Michigan, before returning to Yale in 2004. Dr. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema was born on May 22, 1959, in Springfield, Ill., to John and Catherine Nolen. Her father ran a construction business, where her mother was the office manager; Susan was the eldest of three children. With the negativity laid out, I am a severe over thinker. I go crazy prattling on in my mind about something simple and insignificant. This overthinking could have started with a conversation I had that I felt went negatively and explode to why I have no friends. This is dramatic of course, but has unfortunately happened. It was nice to hear this was normal and more common in women. I know if I tell my boyfriend or father about something I am worried about they think I'm crazy and weird for worrying about something so trivial. Think about it: where did those around you learn those messages themselves? At some level in this society we’re all conditioned to believe that being “too much” as a woman is a Bad Thing. Hearing that you’re “too much” from your family/friends/coworkers/lovers is as much a political issue as it is a personal issue. So if you’ve ever been told that you’re “too much” or any other iteration of this message AND you’ve felt shame, guilt, or rejection about these parts of you, that’s a terrific starting point for doing some self-reflection, boundary-setting, some therapy , some psychological reclaiming work on parts of you that may still need to be integrated within yourself.

Ainsworth B, Bolderston H, Garner M. Testing the differential effects of acceptance and attention-based psychological interventions on intrusive thoughts and worry. Behaviour Research and Therapy. 2017;91:72-77. doi:10.1016/j.brat.2017.01.012 Thank you for your kind comment! I’m so pleased that this post resonated with you and helped to heal your heart. Please know that you are good enough and “just right”. Take such good care of yourself, you’re so worth it. In Women Who Think Too Much, Nolen-Hoeksema shows us what causes so many women to be overthinkers and provides concrete strategies that can be used to escape these negative thoughts, move to higher ground, and live more productively. Reflecting on a Lifetime of Achievement". APS Observer. Vol.26, no.3. Association for Psychological Science. March 2013. pp.12–13.Thank you for your excellent question, I’m sure many parents will be able to relate to this. It can sometimes feel like our children are our harshest critics, especially in those teen years! Part of the answer could be the natural process of pulling away that all children must do as they grow into their independence. Please tell your friend that they are doing their best and that there might be someone out there who is asking their own parent “why can’t they be more like” YOU. In today’s post I want to tell you about the one critical question you need to ask if you’ve ever been told you’re too much, why being “too much” is a personal and political issue, talk with you about reclaiming your “muchness,” and share a list of nourishing resources to help counteract those damaging “you’re too much!” messages. Too much for who? Susan Kay Nolen-Hoeksema (May 22, 1959 – January 2, 2013) [1] [2] was an American professor of psychology at Yale University. Her research explored how mood regulation strategies could correlate to a person's vulnerability to depression, with special focus on a construct she called rumination as well as gender differences. [3] [4] [5] Biography [ edit ] Education and employment [ edit ]