Has some religiosity that I found annoying. Mostly in chs. 11-13. But threaded throughout the book. An essential instruction manual for anger management, but also a detailed work on how to get along with other people." — Library Journal (starred review) What makes some people able to handle life’s ups and downs, the twists and turns, bumps and bruises with steadfast calm and composure, while others become incensed at the slightest insult, fall apart when facing a minor frustration, and blow out of proportion a mild disappointment? Focusing on our own pain and on how difficult life is for us is a predictable recipe for anger and one that keeps us from truly connecting with others. Lieberman writes, “Parenthetically, the ease with which we rise above our own problems and shift attention to the welfare of another is a reliable marker of emotional health.”

Thus, we must focus on not the ‘ego’ but the ‘soul’ of our personality. The more one lives in accord with the ‘soul’, the less he or she needs the drug of anger to make him or her feel alive. Lieberman is adamant, and I agree with him, that the moment one has perspective and empathy to see the context of another person’s reality, one can eliminate anger from one’s behavioral mechanism. It is sometimes important for us to realize that we don’t have a ‘soul’, but instead, we are a ‘soul’ and have a body. Therefore, we must feed the soul with positivity and not the ego. Don’t fall into the trap of believing that a person with an inflated ego likes himself; ego and self-esteem are inversely related. No matter how much a person appears to be happy with himself, if he is egocentric, that person suffers with feelings of inferiority. This statement is not conjecture, but a law of human nature; it is psychological math. If you've never read anything in the CBT or emotional IQ genre this is a good text to begin with but I wouldn't recommend it to someone in the field unless you are researching books for clients. If you've read Cal Newport Deep Work you can skip the last third of the book as it's the same (even uses the marshmallow experiment) neuroscience as presented there. Not mad I read it (see what I did there), but overall I'd say just skip this one if you're well read in the genre.Self-acceptance can also transform our perspectives on the past, learn to forgive, live authentically and chose to respond calmly irrespective of our own or other's emotional states. Various techniques will help us succeed in controlling our anger, but they can’t create awareness. Only the complete recognition of the apparatus—and the foolishness and futility—of anger will organically motivate us to keep our calm. For this reason, the first several sections of this book are descriptive; they explain the psychological dynamics of anger and of human nature. The latter sections are prescriptive, offering a range of psychological tools and techniques to win the ground war. But do not underestimate the power of understanding the enemy, anger. In any anger-provoking situation, we would love to ask ourselves, Why am I really getting angry? But of course, we can’t ask the question because we aren’t thinking; we are only feeling. At that moment, nobody’s home, and this is the fatal flaw in the tradition of anger management. However, when we wholly embrace the answer to this question with every fiber of our being before the situation arises, even when we lose perspective, the truth is baked into our very nature, and a calm and controlled response becomes second nature. Ever wish you could win people over to your point of view, no matter how crazy your idea? You can, with these [tools] to successful persuasion.” ― Self magazine on Get Anyone to do Anything

David J. Lieberman understands that a change in perspective is all that is needed to help keep from flying off the handle. In Never Get Angry Again, he reveals how to see anger through a comprehensive, holistic lens, illuminates the underlying emotional, spiritual, and physical components of anger, and gives the readers simple, practical tools to snuff out anger before it even occurs. In Never Get Angry Again, he reveals how to see anger through a comprehensive, holistic lens, illuminates the underlying emotional, spiritual, and physical components of anger, and gives the readers simple, practical tools to snuff out anger before it even occurs. Never Get Angry Again PDF It cuts to the chase presenting simple, concise techniques…useful strategies rooted in basic human psychology and supported by numerous studies.” ― Publishers Weekly on Get Anyone to Do Anything When a person suffers from very low self-esteem, it doesn’t matter how accomplished he appears, he depends on everyone and everything to boost his faltering self-image. The research is clear: A person’s inflated sense of self does not derive from self-esteem, but from self-loathingNever Get Angry Again, by New York Times and internationally bestselling author David J. Lieberman, is a comprehensive, holistic look at the underlying emotional, physical, and spiritual causes of anger, and a practical guide to what the listener can do to gain perspective. Call me snob, but I only read books that received a starred review from Library Journal. I’m much too busy to waste my time on fluffy titles and the Journal is as objective as you can get. So I was thrilled to see a new book by David Lieberman. I always lean with logic over emotions. That’s why I buy Lieberman’s books. The psychology is always spot-on and clear, and the advise is PRACTICAL. You can actually use it because it works! This is all-too- rare these days with self-help books. So, imagine my reaction when I read in the book flap that he takes a “holistic” approach. Argh! But no! He balances beautifully, spirituality with psychology and stays religion-neutral throughout. I help to coordinate several 12- Step Programs and found some pleasantly striking similarities between the 12 Steps and Lieberman’s approach. Never Get Angry Again is a life-transforming book that goes right to the core of anger. He writes: We should note that people often mistake confidence for self-esteem, but the two are quite different. Confidence is how effective we feel within a specific area or situation, while self-esteem is defined as how much we recognize our inherent worth and feel deserving of happiness and good fortune. Self-esteem is shaped by the quality of our choices rather than by the assets at our disposal. A person who attempts to fortify his self-image by taking pride in a specific trait may exhibit signs of high self-esteem to the untrained eye, but, in fact, such an individual often suffers from low self-esteem, because all he has is an inflated ego.

Our need for reality to conform to our self-image comes at a psychological and physiological price. Cognitive dissonance, the tension that arises from holding two contradictory positions at once, causes the reasoning areas of our brain to shut down and forces us to edit the world around us to avoid threats to our ego. The book comes straight to the point where Lieberman mentions categorically that to eliminate anger from one’s life, one should see the context, or perspective, or situation that angers a person. We as rational individuals can then see the situation for what it really is rather than what our ‘Egos’ dictate to us. Thus, this book helps one redraw boundaries, quash personality conflicts, and navigate complex relationships to maintain or reclaim one’s sanity and eradicate the breeding ground for anger and frustration. Lieberman is clear; when a person is angry, it means he is close to losing his sanity – which in this book is indicative that a person is losing the ability to see, accept, and respond to his world, which is indeed a loss of nothing else but perspective. Three forces within us are often at odds with one another: the soul, the ego, and the body. In short, the soul seeks to do what is right; the ego wants to be right and see itself in an optimal light; and the body just wants to escape from it all. When you make any decision in life: Yearning and searching: As we process loss in this phase of grief, we may begin to look for comfort to fill the void our lovedone has left. We might do this by reliving memories through pictures and looking for signs from the person to feel connected to them. In this phase, we become very preoccupied with the person we have lost.

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The result is the feeling of shame. Lieberman writes, “Shame is our conscious, the voice of the soul that says, I am less because of my actions; it is the painful belief that our behavior makes us unworthy of love and undeserving of acceptance — and by extension, all that we love is neither safe nor secure.” The book analyzes the stages of grief: denial, anger, depression, and acceptance. The first three stages are ‘ego’ based, and only when we loosen the ego’s grip can we move towards acceptance, the last stage in this group. Lieberman takes time to explain the problem with the ‘Ego’ side to our personalities that makes us into the angry and frustrated people we become. We must not skip reading it because it’s not the situations that make us angry, but the meaning that we attach to it, and that meaning is always based on one thing: how we feel about ourselves. Precise control is actuated when we rise above our nature and exercise self-control by seeing things from another perspective. Let’s face it: if anger-management techniques were effective, you wouldn’t be reading this book. These clumsy attempts to maintain calmness are usually futile and sometimes emotionally draining. The fact is, either something bothers us (causing anxiety, frustration, or anger), or it doesn’t. A state of calm is better accomplished by not becoming agitated in the first place. When we fight the urge to blow up or melt down, we fight against our own nature. Renowned psychologist Dr. Nathaniel Branden wrote about a woman he once treated who grew up thinking she was “bad” and undeserving of kindness, respect, or happiness. Predictably, she married a man who “knew” he was unlovable and felt consumed by self-hatred. He protected himself by acting cruelly toward others before they could be cruel to him. She didn’t complain about his abuse because she “knew” that abuse was her destiny. He wasn’t surprised by her increasing withdrawal and remoteness from him, because he “knew” no one could ever love him. They endured twenty years of torture together, proving how right they were about themselves and about life.3 DAVID J. LIEBERMAN, Ph.D.is a New York Times bestselling and award-winning author and internationally recognized leader in the fields of human behavior and interpersonal relationships. His books, including You Can Read Anyone, Never Be Lied to Again, and Never Get Angry Again, have been translated into 26 languages and have sold more than 3 million copies. His work has been featured in hundreds of major publications, and he appears as a frequent guest expert on national media outlets, including The Today Show, The View, The O’Reilly Factor, and Fox & Friends. Biography – Never Get Angry Again PDF

The gaping hole between reality and our contrived reality then interferes with our adjustment to the world around us. It’s important for us to take full and complete responsibility for our actions. We must not shift the blame or make excuses—this will only exacerbate the situation. We shouldn’t say, “I got so upset because we did…,” or, “I didn’t think it was a big deal to…” We must not blame the person for anything—his actions or ours—and we mustn’t minimize our role. I don't understand the other reviewers who praise the way this book is written. It is very slow and repetitive, and it uses multiple metaphors in one paragraph when none would do. Lieberman writes, “We hide behind a carefully crafted façade, and the identity that we build to shield ourselves soon becomes a shell encasing us. Over time, we fall into a hellish gap of unrealized potential, our true self weakens, and we feel hollow inside.” To the extent that we don’t love ourselves, our willingness to endure short-term pain for long-term gain wanes. Who wants to put in effort, enduring heartache and hardship, for someone whom they don’t even like? This mind-set is understandable but quite problematic. When we too often shirk our obligations and shun new opportunities, we lose more than we might imagine. Studies show that our tendency to avoid the pain inherent in taking responsibility for our lives is at the core of anger, and is central to nearly every emotional ailment, including anxiety, depression, and addiction.1As I said, I am still working on my anger management, and I have another book to go through before I can feel I’ve done the best I could for myself. However, I doubt that the other book will be as good as Lieberman’s, Never Get Angry Again, which for me is a game-changer like no other and one of the best books I’ve read this year 2021.