It’s a classic Grant anecdote, a mix of the eminently relatable and the unimaginably starry, which he encounters with an endearing everyman kind of astonishment. Of course, given that Grant has been famous for 35 years now, ever since his career-defining debut in Withnail and I, his phone call from Elton John didn’t come entirely out of the blue; he writes in the next paragraph that, in fact, he was quite pally with the singer for a while, before falling out of touch a few years ago “in the warp and weft of showbusiness friendships”. But ever since Grant published his first memoir, With Nails, in 1996, followed by The Wah Wah Dairies: The Making of a Film in 2006 – both about his adventures in moviemaking and written in his wry but wide-eyed tone – he has been making the public feel as if we are experiencing his extraordinary life alongside him, and displays the same excitement about it as we would. Brutal to witness Joan telling Oilly that “more tests are required, chemotherapy is likely, as I have an as yet undiagnosed form of lung cancer.”

This honest and frequently hilarious memoir is written in honor of that challenge—Richard has faithfully kept a diary since childhood, and in these entries he shares raw detail of everything he has experienced: both the pain of losing his beloved wife, and the excitement of their life together, from the role that transformed his life overnight in Withnail and I to his thrilling Oscar Award nomination thirty years later for Can You Ever Forgive Me? Joan voice coached so many people from Kate Blanchett to Dame Julie Waters and so many many others there were literally thousands. A voice coach is someone you’d rarely think of while watching a film yet they are one of the most important to an actor to just ‘get it right’.It's is a remarkable mix of humour and tragedy, sprinkled with name-dropping, and delivered with insight and charm. Every gift given and opened, every memory shared, every carol sung and listened to, is supercharged with a poignancy so painful that it’s a titanic struggle not to go under. Must be jet lag. But let’s face it, Swaz, it’s really boring, and I couldn’t hear a word that young woman was whispering.” A diary makes something that seems unreal feel real. If I write it all down, then it actually happened.’ Photograph: Sophia Spring/The Guardian The “kids” go downstairs to make breakfast. Joan takes my hands, and asks: “You will stay with me through all of this, won’t you?”

Not to be disingenuous about it, but that’s the nature of an actor’s life,” he tells Shortlist of his current, homebound life, “I have actor friends that have said that apart from not being able to go anywhere, it doesn’t really feel any different because, for a lot of the time it’s feast or famine: if you’re working, then you’re filming every hour of the day, and you’re so grateful when you have a day off, but the majority of the time you’re not working.” As soon as I saw any of the other actors, I always had hundreds of questions for them, I was asking, ‘What’s going on? What have you been doing?’ That was a unique experience for me, because normally you’re interacting with other people all the time. I was like somebody who had Coronavirus, I couldn’t be with other people, I just had to be with the camera on my own.”

It’s as if we’ve made an unspoken pact not to family-fall-apart and go about prepping food for tomorrow. Those old clichés “business as usual” and “the show must go on” apply. I entered into this book under the notion it would be solely focussed on Grant’s experience of losing his wife. Understandably so, given the memoir’s title is the parting advice upon her death, in addition to Grant’s press tours where he continually touted this as a memoir on Joan’s terminal cancer. He details with evocative precision what it was like to care for Washington during her illness. Anyone who has ever looked after a terminally ill person will know exactly what he means when he describes her “lemony irritability” on a bad day, and I especially liked his description of Washington’s moods vacillating “like the cast of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, between Dopey, Grumpy, Sleepy, Happy, Bashful and visiting the Doc”. Sorry, should have said, I like to smell everything in sight. Always have done. Ever since I can remember. Can’t understand why everyone doesn’t. You’re a brilliant cook.” The majority of what I did in it was literally looking down the barrel of the camera and talking as though I’m talking to the viewer, on my own. Obviously, at lunchtime, we’d all meet up, but generally I was on my own.

He generously agreed, and I called the stentorian-voiced Equity Bunty, who barked, “ What letter, then?” In the early days of their relationship, she was the successful one, flying off to coach Mel Gibson on the set of The Bounty, while Grant pined away in London, hopelessly unemployed. But that shifted and Washington, he writes, “had to readjust and accommodate to being my plus-one at premieres and press junkets, which she understandably found uncomfortable”.What will surprise audiences most about the show? Hopefully, that you don’t know what will happen, it’s not obvious. I don’t think of what’s going to happen or how it’s going to turn out. That’s the draw of it. I knew he had an "interesting" life and was reputed to be an excellent raconteur and writer ( The Wah-Wah Diaries: The Making of a Film), but he exceeded those expectations. Grant is an actor who found fame in "Withnail and I" and recently won best-supporting actor awards for "Can You Ever Forgive Me?". He was born and raised in Swaziland but has been based in the UK for most of his adult life. Having said all that, I found his story very moving in parts. This is a man who really, really, really loved his wife and meant it and lived it every day of their relationship. As Joan drew closer to death, I think REG tapped into some universal experiences around grief in an open and honest way that really touched me. I also realised, with a terrible lump in my throat, that Joan died almost the exact same date and time one of my best friend's did, albeit a year later and for a second it didn't matter who REG was. We were both united in the universal pain of grief which does not discriminate by race or wealth or identity. I've always liked Richard E Grant, ever since my family watched his version of The Scarlet Pimpernel yearly like it was some kind of religious ritual and later, as an older teen, I found his autobiographical film Wah Wah about childhood trauma, colonialism and being the outsider quite powerful (especially since my granddad actually lived for a bit in Rhodesia, now Zimbabwe, and described similar experiences) and his exuberance on social media about everything is endlessly endearing. I felt for him when he publicly announced losing his wife on socials and his enduring love for her was palpable #couplegoals. I was therefore quite interested in reading this memoir.

It is a difficult read in moments and will certainly make you consider how you might react when a loved one passes away, as we will all experience at some point. But consider this book not a burden, but a balm. A reminder that there is life and hope and love all around us. Joan’s distinctive “gravy” voice—full of rich, delicious brown notes—has begun to alter, as her breath support has halved, and sounds more like her Scottish mother, sometimes leaping into a higher octave. Her Central School of Speech and Drama–trained standard English accent is sounding more Aberdonian than I’ve ever noticed before. The details of Joan’s diagnosis with lung cancer, the various tests and treatments she undergoes, how she and her family come to terms with her terminal prognosis, and her death are all described with an honesty that I know many readers will appreciate. It is great to hear that they were so well-supported by the NHS and by their friends so that Joan could die at home. Grant jumps from vulnerable journal entries on Joan’s palliative care to recounting his glory days of ‘Withnail and I’, his 2019 Oscar nomination, glitzy party mentions and celebrity name drops. While his wife features in these chapters as a byproduct of their marital entwinement, Grant has made himself the star of the show in these scenes in true thespian style.During a matinee interval, the stage manager went around the dressing rooms, asking if anyone knew “the very tanned woman wearing Bermuda shorts and a Hawaiian shirt, who was fast asleep in a house seat and snoring very loudly.” Grant’s prose is charming and witty... An engaging story of life, love, and grief that will resonate with anyone who has ever loved and lost.” I was an out-of-work actor from the southern hemisphere, from nowhere, earning a subsistence wage as a waiter, schlepping home after midnight, listening to “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” on my prized Walkman. Not exactly a “catch” of any kind— and pipe-cleaner thin. Joan on the other hand was already a legend in her field. Such was the success of Richard Eyre’s landmark National Theatre production of Guys and Dolls in 1982, and Joan’s accent coaching, that Barbra Streisand enquired, “Who are these American actors I’ve never heard of?” Which resulted in Joan being interviewed to coach Mitteleuropean accents for Streisand’s directorial debut movie, Yentl. As I’ve been a Streisand fanatic for half a century, the details she recalled of their first meeting have been imprinted, like a talisman, on my memory ever since. A gorgeously candid account of acting and show business. And an intimate and heartfelt story of love, loss and a life spent together. It is an honour to be invited in on these diaries. I cannot remember being so moved by a book.”