Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex: What to Do When Your Ex-Spouse Tries to Turn the Kids Against You

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A separation or divorce is never easy on kids, and they’ll need lots of love and reassurance to help them through the transition.

Just because you need to co-parent with an ex doesn’t mean that there shouldn’t be some rules in place. Toxic behaviors generally happen in cycles; once you recognize the patterns which comprise the toxic cycle, you can take steps to minimize negativity and ensure that you’re doing your part as a responsible parent. Various interpersonal disturbances, such as feeling entitled to special favors, taking advantage of others, and inability to empathize with the feelings of others. This will feel like an uphill battle at times, but stay strong and focus on providing a safe space for your child. This is you creating boundaries for you – not creating more ways for him/her to permeate your psyche.This precautionary measure can prevent conflicts from escalating in front of the children and provide a neutral party to verify the proceedings. Today I’m going to teach you all about the differences between co-parenting and parallel parenting and my top five tips for creating as much peace as possible. The concrete number of times you should be in contact with your co-parent will depend on numerous things such as the age of the child, their current state of mind, etc, but you will rarely ever have to communicate more than once a day - emergencies aside, of course. This is highly toxic not only because it puts down the other parent in the child’s eyes but because it also makes the child feel as if something is wrong with them as the other parent is a part of the child,” says Valencia. Parenting with a narcissist is difficult because they can often use tactics to trigger emotions and make you feel guilty for your decisions as a parent.

I’ll actually set a timer on my phone for at least 15 minutes so that I have time to breathe, calm down, and then send a response that’s not angry in tone. If you have followed all these and have found some sort of working relationship for the sake of your child, there’s still the issue of co-parenting logistics. In Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex, a nationally recognized parenting expert offers you a positive parenting approach to dealing with a hostile ex-spouse. In situations where there is a lack of trust or potential for false allegations, it may be necessary to arrange pick-ups and drop-offs in the presence of a witness. If one parent clearly sees their own human flaws and vulnerabilities, they are more likely to be able to put their kids’ needs before their own.A toxic ex can be a lot of things: narcissistic, controlling, abusive, passive-aggressive, jealous, possessive, or just plain mean. Coordinating extracurricular activities and school events can be particularly challenging with a toxic ex-spouse.

Your job is to learn to hold your boundaries so you can keep your mental health intact (and even improve). This preemptive action will minimize disagreements and provide clarity regarding financial obligations. Once you become aware of what is happening, a lot of the readings you do puts your ex at the centre - and quite frankly as much as I tried to be compassionate - my ex is not the one who needs my help, love and support right now. Put Your Children First The most important thing to remember when co- parenting is to prioritize your children’s well-being.Give them enough validation to let them know you are hearing them, but that does not mean you are agreeing with them. This weekly reminder will keep you on the path to creating connected, happy relationships (especially the one with yourself)!

When children witness their parents being denigrated, it can lead to feelings of confusion, anxiety, and loyalty conflicts.She conducts trainings around the country for parents and legal and mental health professionals, has written dozens of scholarly articles on topics related to parent-children relationships, and has appeared on national TV such as Good Morning America, CNN, and the Joy Behar Show. It explains and puts a label on their toxic behavior, how it effects the child in a life long way and how you can help from your position, without making it harder on the child/ren involved.