However, if you’re still distracted and completely wrapped up in someone after months have passed, it could be a sign of obsession. If someone is in love with you, they trust you. They want you to be the best version of yourself and only want good things for you. That includes giving you space when you need it. sectetur adipiscing elit. Nam lacinia pulvinar tortor nec facilisis. Pellentesque dapibus efficitur laoreet. Nam risus ante, dapibus a molestie consequat, ultrices ac magna. Fusce dui lectus, congue vel laoreet ac, dictum vitae odio. Donec aliquet. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Nam lacinia pulvinar tortor nec facilisis. Pellentesque dapibus efficitur laoreet. Nam risus ante, dapibus a molestie consequat, ultrices ac magna. Fusce dui lectus, congue vel laoreet ac, dictum vitae odio. Donec aliquet. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscin

Jeopardizing important life relationships, including friends, family and colleagues in pursuit of another. Jonathan Marshall, a psychologist and relationship expert, told Business Insider that when people fall in love it's natural for everyone else to feel out of view for a while. But if you start noticing your primary focus is this other person to the point you're becoming isolated from things that were previously important, it's typically a sign something isn't right. Third, when an obsessive person does not receive the attention that they would want from the partner, they become depressed. The reason is because the obsessive partner feels a feeling of rejection which drains the energy of that individual hence leading to inability to work. Chris and Nancy are good representatives of this trait. Moore further explores other traits that are common in people that tend to confuse love with obsession. Some include manipulation to deter a partner from leaving, endurance abusive action and mistreatment with the hope that the love that one has for the partner will change their action and when they lose control over a partner, the affected partner will tend to transfer control to other people (Moore, 2006). The person also begins to visualize a future with his or her love interest in total disregard for the need of properly anchoring the relationship on friendship first. The second phase is known as the anxious phase. After both partners agree to a relationship, the relational dependent partner begins to exhibit certain characteristics born of anxiety.It is as if we cannot hear the spoken words from the other person. We argue with him until he says the things we want to hear, for example, “I guess you are right; I should have been seeing things from your point of view.” 14. We use sex as a tool of control and manipulation. This control tactic is particularly effective for the person who confuses love with obsession because it is inherently emotionally based. Using sex as a tool of control can include the following behaviors: Controlling another person involves a great deal of energy. If we wish to be truly honest about our addiction, we must recognize our specific tools of control and accept responsibility for having employed them. Self-examination, as with any task that has us look inward, can be a difficult and painful process. It doesn’t happen overnight and may take years to accomplish fully. Much of what we experienced as children has been repressed so deeply within our hidden selves that no amount of therapy is going to successfully draw out all of our suffering. We do, however, have a responsibility to ourselves to seek out that which is buried inside. Why? Because our strong need to control another person eventually destroys the very life that we so desperately wish to preserve—our own. Our relationships with our partners, our children, and ourselves are dependent on our ability to become truly self-aware. The person we are today is the direct result of the person we were yesterday, and Primarily, obsession as described in the four phases of The Obsessive Love Wheel stems from jealousy, borne of low self-esteem. I have thus resolved to develop a more selfless love to all relationships that I may ever commit to, such as the one envisioned in Lee’s Intimate Relationships: selfless love. Jealousy is indeed the biggest influence on, and determinant of, love addiction. maintain relational homeostasis. His enabling behaviors toward Michael were extremely self-serving, because his sole desire was to replace self-love through a relationship with another person. He controlled Michael by using his partner’s addiction to alcohol to get what he needed to feel whole—affection. When booze didn’t work, he escalated his manipulative behaviors to include cocaine and other party drugs—whatever he could use to control Michael. And to be sure, the suggestion that Mark also attend AA was right on target, as he, too, is chemically dependent. For some of us who confuse love with obsession, alcohol and other drugs can indeed be used as a tool of control. They are perhaps the most dangerous tool because they can damage the mind, body, and soul. If we truly wish to be free from relational dependency, we must take into account this particular method of control and seek treatment for any chemical addictions that may also be present.

The start of a good relationship is going to be exciting, and feeling butterflies is a normal, fun reaction to this. But if months go by and you still find yourself distracted at work, or you ignore your friends, family, and hobbies for your partner, that's not a sign of a healthy match. Also, these characters exhibit fears of being abandoned. Taking Chris for example, He (Chris) admits that being with Brenda is like a drug addiction. Later in the chapter, Brenda makes it clear that she is not willing to be with Chris but Chris continues with his stalking (Moore, 2006). Similar to other characters in the book, it is evident that Chris is scared of being alone since if he had the confidence and the courage of being alone, he would have respected Brenda wishes and walked away from the relationship since the relationship had already failed. While in the book Chris’s actions may look irrational to some people, there is a reason for his actions. His desire to be loved came from childhood and his relationship with his mother. Trying to find a substitute for those feelings that he did not receive is a feasible reaction. Looking at the situation from a different perspective, it is clear that this type of relationship brings discomfort and distress to both partners. One side is suffering from obtrusive thoughts about his or her partner and the relationship, while the other side is growing weary from excessive attention. Characteristics of the Obsessive Love Wheel

In conclusion, in a world, that places significance in building and maintaining good relationships with our loved ones, the knowledge and insight gained from Lee’s Intimate Relationships and Moore’s Confusing Love with Obsession will come in handy. The types of love espoused by Lee enable one to choose the best kind of love s/he wishes to give to his/her loved one/partner. Finally, knowing the dangers of love addiction will go a long way in ensuring my emotional and even physical safety, as I engage in more relationships in life. Reference All of the above behaviors and actions are extremely damaging to a child’s overall development and sense of self-esteem. Children who grow up in abusive homes often grow up to be abusers and to fear abandonment in their intimate relationships, which may explain the next characteristic.