Eurochart Hot 100 Singles" (PDF). Music & Media. Vol.15, no.33. 15 August 1998. p.19 . Retrieved 20 June 2018. a b c d e Bronson, Fred (1988). "Kung Fu Fighting". The Billboard Book of Number One Hits (4thed.). ISBN 0-8230-7641-5 . Retrieved 30 May 2011. American single certifications – Carl Douglas – Kung Fu Fighting". Recording Industry Association of America. Calling out and correcting these overblown and inaccurate claims is the domain of someone who prefers to make our universe as tidy as possible. Someone like me. No, I mean it. Someone like me. No really, I’m pleading with you: Someone like me damn it! See how dangerous the slippery slope of misinterpretation is when you casually employ inexact expressions?

a b " The Irish Charts – Search Results – Kung Fu Fighting". Irish Singles Chart. Retrieved 2 June 2013. So you see my dilemma in the tidification of such an abstruse and ambiguous lyric. It’s not me digressing, transcending or unnecessarily going beyond the scope of the lyric, it is the composers’ inability to precisely confine themselves to matters they’re trying to express that makes my criticism so very necessary. For example, I might have suggested the lyric be written like this:

Scapolo, Dean (2007). The Complete New Zealand Music Charts: 1966–2006. Maurienne House. p.14. ISBN 978-1877443-00-8. Anderson, Jason (2 November 2012). "Kung Fu hip hop: the legend continues". Toronto Star . Retrieved 29 May 2014. With the punctilious pedigree I possess, is it any wonder I would take exception to the imprecise blanket statement sung so obliviously by Mr. Douglas that ♫ Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting?♫ Really. Everybody was. Wasn’t somebody, somewhere doing something responsible like operating a waste water treatment plant or placing warning signs on bidets reading: “Not to be used as a drinking fountain.”

The song was originally meant to be a B-side to "I Want to Give You My Everything" (written by Brooklyn songwriter Larry Weiss and sung by Carl Douglas). [9] [10] Biddu originally hired Douglas to sing "I Want to Give You My Everything" but needed something to record for the B-side, and asked Douglas if he had any lyrics they could use. Douglas showed several, out of which Biddu chose the one that would later be called "Kung Fu Fighting" and worked out a melody for it without taking it too seriously. [3] I believe that in allowing these kinds of lyrical inexactitudes, we are creating a dog-whistle of sorts for artists of all kinds to play fast and loose with our perceptions. And even though a few people (notice I didn’t say “everybody”) insert cotton swabs into their ear canal to clean out the wax, I scrupulously comply with Johnson & Johnson’s liability-limiting warning to: Never insert a Q-Tip into the ear canal. However millions do not. They flagrantly disobey the corporate admonition designed for our welfare and purposely jab the Q-Tip where it was told not to go. As for me I never insert a cotton swab into my ear canal and instead use the tip of my favorite steak knife to reach that hard to get at wax. A collection of trained martial artist within my purview were fully engaged in what appears to be Kung Fu. These feline-like humans undertook this event with great rapidity.♫

CASH BOX Top 100 Singles – Week ending DECEMBER 14, 1974". Cash Box. Archived from the original on 3 October 2012. Australia No. 1 hits -- 1970's". World Charts. Archived from the original on 24 April 2014 . Retrieved 10 June 2013. National Top 100 Singles for 1975". Kent Music Report. 29 December 1975 . Retrieved 15 January 2022– via Imgur. The Singles Chart" (PDF). Record World. 14 December 1974. p.27. ISSN 0034-1622 . Retrieved 17 September 2017.

Get geared up for action with this Surely Not Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting t-shirt by TimArms, it's a funny way to say "I get it, kung fu is cool, but all martial arts are cool, fool!" Rees, Katrina (16 December 2015). "The Vamps are Kung Fu Fighting". CelebMix . Retrieved 27 July 2019. It’s bad enough that STOP signs don’t change to GO after we’ve stopped. Those smug octagonal signposts think they can just command us to act and expect us to sheepishly comply. And when we do comply, then what? In the absence of a subsequent instruction I’d like to know what the expectation is. The peremptory command to STOP means just that. I see no interpretive wiggle room to assume that at some point we may GO. However millions do. I’m proud to say I’ve sat at STOP signs for hours waiting for some indication as to what to do after I’ve stopped. Usually an encouraging honk and a few words of encouragement from the exasperated motorist behind me is enough for me to, “ Get movin’ assh*le.” Everybody was? Really? Didn’t Carl “one-hit-wonder” Douglas realize that perhaps somebody, somewhere was not Kung Fu fighting. How about singing the more accurately descriptive “ a few people were Kung Fu fighting,” instead of the lazy, fits-all lyrics “ everybody was Kung Fu fighting.” I mean if we allow this level of lyrical imprecision to percolate into society, where does it end?Bus Stop feat. Carl Douglas – Kung Fu Fighting" (in French). Ultratop 50. Retrieved 6 January 2014.

To me that paints a highly descriptive, if unmelodic picture of the course of events. And while its flow with the melody might suffer somewhat, at least we’re clear on the timeline and the scope of the event. Pennanen, Timo (2021). "Carl Douglas". Sisältää hitin - 2. laitos Levyt ja esittäjät Suomen musiikkilistoilla 1.1.1960–30.6.2021 (PDF). Helsinki: Kustannusosakeyhtiö Otava. p.66 . Retrieved 21 June 2022.a b c d e Ellis, James (27 October 2009). "Biddu". Metro . Retrieved 17 April 2011. [ unreliable source] British single certifications – Carl Douglas – Kung Fu Fighting". British Phonographic Industry . Retrieved 6 July 2021.