Kindness rather than judgement – messing up, failing or struggling is part of life and of course doesn’t feel good. Rather than beating ourselves up for not being good enough, when we are self-compassionate, we are warm and understanding towards ourselves like we would be to a good friend. Knoop, M., Stefani, O., Bueno, B., Matusiak, B., Hobday, R., Wirz-Justice, A., & Norton, B. (2020). Daylight: What makes the difference?.Lighting Research & Technology,52(3), 423-442.; Beute, F., & de Kort, Y. A. (2014). Salutogenic effects of the environment: Review of health protective effects of nature and daylight.Applied Psychology: Health and well‐being,6(1), 67-95. Having close relationships with family or friends provides love, meaning, support and can increase our feelings of self-worth. Our broader social networks, like those in our local community or at school or work, can contribute to a sense of belonging. Indeed studies show people with strong relationships are happier, healthier and may even live longer [1,2,3,4,5]. Having a network of social connections or high levels of social support even appears to increase our immunity to infection, lower our risk of heart disease and reduce mental decline as we get older [7].

What did you love to do as a child? To what extent did these activities reflect your signature strengths now? Baumeister, R.F. & Leary, M.R. (1995). The Need to Belong: Desire for Interpersonal Attachments as a Fundamental Human Motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117, 497-529 Emotions are more than feelings. They include momentary physiological changes which influence our actions and add up. Whilst unpleasant emotions like fear evolved to help us survive by avoiding danger, for example, by triggering a ‘fight, flight or freeze response, it wasn’t until relatively recently that the power of pleasant emotional experiences was also recognised.

Training our brain to look for what’s good

Notice and appreciate good things around you every day, big or small. Trees, birdsong, the smell of coffee, laughter perhaps? There are lots of ways we can look after ourselves physically - exercising, moving more during the day, getting enough rest, eating nourishing food, staying hydrated and getting out into daylight. These all directly impact how well we feel and function. They can be instant mood boosters as well as being good for our mental and physical health longer term. Savouring’ is the practice of actively paying attention to, appreciating and intentionally enhancing our positive experiences. It’s a mindful process combined with actively seeking to amplify or prolong pleasant emotional experiences [14]. It involves noticing our sensations, perceptions, thoughts, behaviours, and emotions whilst enjoying and appreciating a positive experience [15]. Now, if you can, try taking the free VIA survey. It will take 10-15 minutes, You’ll get a ranking of all 24 strengths listed in their relative strength for you. Typically your top five or so will be your signature strengths, but only you can tell which most closely meet the three features above for you.

Self-esteem is our sense of value or worth. It is based on judgement about how good we are in specific areas of our lives (e.g. performance at school, work or in sport or in relationships) or relative to other people. As it can be dependent on our judgements about success or failure or on comparison to others it can be fragile [10]. Identify five tasks that are on your current to-do list. For each one, think about one of your signature strengths to use whilst doing it. As you complete each task, focus on using the strength you selected. Notice how that feels.

The good news is research shows we can learn how to accept ourselves more [3]. Developing the skills of self-compassion, a better understanding our strengths, how to use these more, and ways to work with or around our weaknesses can all positively impact our happiness.

Kabat-Zinn, J. (1994) Wherever You Go, There You Are – Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life, Hyperion. Cited in in Hart, R., Itzivan, I, & Hart, D. (2013) Mind the Gap in Mindfulness Research: A comparative account of the leading schools of thought. Review of General Psychology, 17 (4) 144 Petruzzello, S.J. (2012). The ultimate tranquilizer? Exercise and its influence on anxiety. In The Oxford Handbook of Exercise Psychology Ed. Acevedo, E.O.; Ratey, J. & Hagerman, E. (2008) Spark! - How exercise will improve the performance of your brain. Quercus, London.; Mutrie, N. & Faulkner, G. (2004). Physical activity: Positive psychology in motion. In Linley, P. A. & Joseph, S. (Eds.), Positive Psychology in Practice (pp. 146-164). Hoboken, NJ: Wiley.; Biddle, S. J. H. & Mutrie, N. (2001). Psychology of physical activity: Determinants, well being, and interventions. London: Routledge. Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions’ The Dalai Lama, patron of Action for Happiness. Vanessa King, positive psychology expert for Action for Happiness has created 10 key evidence-based actions that have been shown to increase happiness and wellbeing – at home, at work and in the world around you. If you have read The Art of Happiness, The Happiness Project or Sane New World, this book will be the perfect complement. How we respond to stress, loss, failure or trauma has a big impact on our well-being. We often cannot choose what happens to us, but we can choose our own attitude to what happens. Resilience is a life skill that can be learned. EMOTIONS: Look for what’s good As human beings, we have a natural negativity bias – a tendency to focus on what’s wrong and interpret ambiguous information negatively and this can extend to what we focus on in our self. Many of us give more attention and weight to what we’re not good at than we give to what we do well or effortlessly. Yet all of us have a mix of strengths and weaknesses.When you eat a piece of fruit or chocolate – try doing so mindfully. Before you put it in your mouth notice its colour, shape, texture and smell. How does it feel in your hands? Take a small bite - but don't chew! Notice how it feels in your mouth. What is the texture now? What can you already taste? If you move it around your mouth does this change? Then start to eat. Feel the texture and notice all the flavours as you chew the food slowly and as you swallow.